A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Two Roads; or, Confusing the 8 Ball

I'm living parallel lives right now.

One version of myself gets a BFP in two weeks. She is then very busy. She needs to schedule new appointments with her doctor. She needs to cancel her dentist appointment next month (because she refuses to tell her dentist about another pregnancy in the first trimester and have to be reminded of the loss every time she goes back). She needs to start researching OBs. She needs to figure out exactly when and how to tell her family and friends the good news. She needs to come up with all sorts of crafty ways to pretend to be drinking in the meantime. She needs to go to yoga and/or therapy four times a week to keep from jumping out of her skin with anxiety. She needs to figure out how to handle not teaching Spring semester. She needs to prep for her oral exams on the double to get them out of the way by February.

The other version of myself gets her period in two weeks. Right now, it seems like she'll be okay with that. Disappointed, certainly, but not shocked. She's got six months of CBEFM pee sticks all ready to go and a four month supply of red raspberry tea, but she does need to order more vitex. She'll tell herself that she won't ovulate until CD 21 at the earliest, but she'll hope to have another early o. She'll visit her doctor for her annual check-up and schedule some fertility testing. She'll bring both kinds of peesticks on her trip to Scandinavia, just to cover all bases. She'll be one month closer to seeing an RE.

The Online Magic 8 Ball tells me I will "Definitely!" get a BFP this cycle. It also thinks I will "Definitely!" get my period. The Online Magic 8 Ball is confused.

Join the club, pal.


  1. ooh, which question did you ask first? if it's the bfp, then of course your first question is the one that counts. if you asked the period question first, you were obviously just not specific enough, or you said the words weirdly or not loud enough and just confused the 8 ball. i'm sure of it.

    how nice would it be if scandinavia can be a babymoon, or if you get knocked up while there? then you can name baby girl scandy or baby boy navi (i'm grasping here, just go with it). that is, if you're into that kind of thing. naming your kid based on where they were conceived.

    if i did that, my kid would have to be named cornell :o)

  2. Ugh. I am going to call the psychic hotline. Of course I am optimistic for the stressed out yoga kind of future, also filled with birth plans. This month is such a good story, and I like a good story.

  3. OMG it's like Sliding Doors! I hope you get the happy ending.

  4. Oh, you should so not have let me know that there is such a thing as an online magic 8 ball. There goes the afternoon:)

    I think so many of us have that double life. A weird, Robert Frost-like two roads disappearing into the wood thing. And the kicker is that you have to be prepared for both contingencies. It's impossible to cross that bridge when you come to it because, well, all these things require some forethought.

    I know which of your roads I'm hoping for:)

  5. You are such a beautiful writer... Everything you write, even the rants, flow so well and seem almost poetic. I'm hoping for #1 (and know that all that you mentioned after the BFP is real and will happen), but I'm glad to know you are accepting of #2. Sending you hugs and loads of good luck!

  6. My vote is for version #1, however, I have to tell you how much I love your ability to always see something good in a disappointing situation. It's one of your biggest strengths!Keeping your eye on something else to look forward to must go a long way in helping keep your sanity-- I'm so glad that you have this trip to look forward to.

    Also, I can't wait to see how you feel after seeing the RE (although I hope you get that BFP before then). For me, it was like hiring someone to do the worrying for me. Of course, I still obsessed over my cycle, but I knew she was one step ahead of me at all times-- ready for the next thing if our current treatment didn't work.

    I want that for you-- for someone else to do the worrying!!

  7. haha - I agree, the 8 ball is confused. It was right with the BFP - it better be! I am sending lots of baby dust your way and praying for a sticky & healthy bean in two weeks!

  8. Hoping for #1 as well and I like Bunny's analogy with Sliding Doors...but maybe without the drastic hair cuts...

  9. Well, if the universe let's us vote on this, then we're all pulling for Option 1. Here's hoping for the best... -- Jay

  10. I'm hoping for all the inconvenience of Version One.

  11. C'mon version #1. I'm really really hoping for you SS! And can I just say how similar our stories are. I went to the dentist last April literally days after getting my bfp, and i'm totally embarassed to be admitting this so people who comment after please don't judge...but I haven't been back since. I love my dentist so I didn't want to switch, but I couldn't face them knowing they noted pregnant in the system the last time I was there, and the'd have to "correct" that if I went back. And don't worry, I've been taking VERY good care of my teeth in my hiatus, even flossing and shit!

  12. I like the first scenario, obvs. Gosh Sloper, I hope and pray with all of my good vibes that this is IT IT IT IT IT for you.

  13. Ha ha! I've even consulted the tarot cards! As well as online magic 8, of course.

    Of course I hope this is your month-- why not, I ask??? C'mon universe, we just want ONE eensy-weensy little +hpt here. That's not asking for much, is it?

    Either that or lots of schnapps in Sweden followed by a superstar RE who diagnoses you during the consultation and successfully treats whatever the issue is the first month...