A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Nice Day For A White Wedding; or, Mental Games

Last spring and summer and fall, before I got pregnant, I would play a little game with myself, one of my many tricks to moderate disappointment if and when another cycle didn't pan out. I would think of something I really wanted to do 9-months from then--or an event coming up in the meantime--and decide why it would be much better to not be pregnant then. Missing my sister's college graduation in Maine would have sucked. Not being able to fly to England for a conference would be frustrating. And I really wanted to attend my friend's June wedding in Florida.

When I got pregnant with the m&m, missing my friend's wedding barely even registered as something I considered. I was ecstatic and relieved and overjoyed and I couldn't think of anything I'd rather do on June 26th than welcome a baby into my life.

I'm leaving in twenty minutes or so for the airport. I'm going to Florida for the wedding. I'm glad I'll be away from home, doing something fun and different. I'm glad I can drink and dance and snuggle with my husband and see some good friends from my MA program and get dressed up.

I still wish I couldn't go.

15 comments:

  1. (hugs) I wish you'd be having a baby instead, too.
    Hope the weekend is distracting.

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  2. Oh I'm so sorry. I wish you had a baby instead. I'm just rolling around to the.. This would have been the time I had a baby. Or this is 1 year since we started trying. or Oh if I had gotten pregnant in March like friend B then I would be as far as she is... blah blah blah reminders suck.

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  3. I hope that you are able to have fun and embrace your friends. This is tough though...the should have beens. They're the worst for me.

    (((HUGS))) Do all those things that you said...snuggle with your husband and enjoy dancing and a drink (or two or three)

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  4. I wish you couldn't go too, but I hope you have a good time nonetheless. Make some memories! Hugs!

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  5. I know exactly how you feel. Life sucks sometimes.

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  6. I do the same thing. It usually ends up being a sad reminder that I'm not pregnant, but somehow having a "fun" distraction like a wedding makes it not so bad in the end. Enjoy the wedding. Drink lots of wine.

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  7. i've never thought to do this, but am going to start. i just sit there feeling sorry for myself, which doesn't do good for anyone!

    have a lovely lovely time at the wedding :o)

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  8. I'm sorry sweetie. Will be thinking of you on your EDD. I hope you are able to enjoy yourself at the wedding. Hoping it will be your last wedding this year that you are able to rock it out and indulge in some strong beverages.

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  9. I'm sorry - it's such a bittersweet thing, isn't it? The very fact that life goes on feels obscene sometimes. But I'm glad that you're going to be somewhere away, dancing and drinking. Even if the sad (inevitably) creeps in.

    There WILL be things you will miss because of pregnancy. Drink that wine now.

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  10. Gah. I'm sorry that you can go, too. But, I expect that you will have a lovely time here. "I let you go for so long." thanks for getting that song in my head.

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  11. Yep, I know just what you mean. Every month that ticks by, I try to find the upside of not being pregnant from X to Y months. It's a coping mechanism. Of course nothing would be better than being pregnant/giving birth/having a baby.

    I hope you have some fun at the wedding! xo

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  12. *hugs* I know how hard of a day that is going to be for you and I'm so glad you're going to be near an open bar and friends & family. You're in my thoughts.

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  13. Ugh... I totally feel you. I'm so sorry.

    Though, I hope you have shitloads of fun at that wedding.

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  14. Like everyone else, I also wish you couldn't go. But hey, distraction, and drinkin'. I hope it's as much fun as can be, given the circumstances.

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  15. I'm sorry, I wish you couldn't go too.

    I hope you have a fantastic time at the wedding with Lawyer guy.

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