A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Join Me on this Carnival Ride; or, One Week Down

This two week wait has been maddening. I feel like I'm on a tilt-a-whirl: up, down, sidewise, back, and forth, and with a huge mechanical jolt every time the ride changes direction.

Yesterday I woke up convinced there is no way I'm pregnant and went to bed convinced that I am. I can't put much stock in intuition, because I "felt" I was pregnant during all six of our previous failed cycles last spring and summer, so I'm clearly not the best judge. A huge temp drop (of one full degree) this morning at 7 dpo has also messed with my head: maybe it's implantation; but I had drops like that in other failed cycles; maybe I now have a luteal phase defect and I'm going to get my period tomorrow; maybe I'll never ever get pregnant again.

Today was my last day temping until AF. I don't need the fodder for senseless analysis.

And I'm going to spend the rest of the 2ww blogging about other things than my imaginary symptoms, issues I've been considering these past months and need to share. I'm going to try to stop mashing my breasts to check or "tenderness" every four minutes and eating mac n cheese every three days in an effort to "prove" that I'm ravenous. I won't test before 15 dpo, which is a week from Tuesday. I'll most likely get my period between Saturday and Monday.

I know I've got a good shot this month-- well-timed sex and a strong ovulation. But I also know that even the most fertile couples are lucky (incredibly lucky!) to conceive their first time trying. And forgive me for my cynicism, but luck hasn't been much of a companion on this trip thus far.

One week to go. Or less.

Probably less.


  1. The TWW is the worst mind game I've ever experienced. You're smart to stop temping now that you know that you ovulated-- less to obsess over.

    I obsessed over every single temp, every single day. If the temp dropped, I wasn't pregnant. If my temp went up, I was. It was the worst rollercoaster.

    Wishing you no phantom symptoms. Just real ones!!! Fingers crossed, hon!

  2. I'm on this crazy roller coaster with you...I keep poking myself and analyzing everything. Sometimes I think there are valid signs, then I think that I must be crazy. Today I stayed home because I have a really bad headache and a barking cough. My temp was 99.5 this morning...that really screws with my head.


  3. It's ok, dear. Luck hates me too. I'm only a day or two (or maybe 3) into my glorious 2ww. I already hate it. I'm expecting AF around March 7 (two weeks from yesterday). AND.. if she arrives, then screw it. I'm taking a break ... to let my wrists heal, to lose some weight, to resume exercise and drink anything and everything I want. ;o) One week to go... can hardly wait for you! Good luck!

  4. One week down my friend, you are cruising right along!! The second week is SUCH a mind f*ck, so just take it day by day! Keep busy and try to distract yourself from those (hopefully real) symptoms!!

  5. 2 things.

    #1: I just gave you a BLOG AWARD. Check out my blog for details.

    #2: Are you on twitter?

  6. Congratulations on your committee member! It feels good to have someone you really admire on your committee (but scary too!). I tried to balance mine between people I wanted to impress, and people I didn't, 50:50. 100% would have been too much pressure, and all people whose opinions I didn't care about would've rendered the whole enterprise pointless.

    I just started blogging last week, but I am roughly in the same boat as you. Trying again since December (January really, since the fertile window was eaten up with visits to relatives in December-- stupid Christmas!!) after a loss. Trying not to be too psycho about it.

    I'll be checking in to see how it's going for you, and like you (I am now either 1 or 4 dpo, depending on how you interpret my chart), I will try not to mash on the breasts too much, or eat things that make me nauseous, during the next couple of weeks! I actually have a really uncomfortable bra that I wear more often during the 2ww, so I can honestly claim that my breasts are sore. ha!

  7. I hate the 2WW. It's cruel.
    Enjoy your mini-break from temping.
    I truly hope that you get to POAS on 15DPO and get that elusive second line.

  8. Hang in there, the last week of the 2ww is brutal.

    Looking forward to reading what's been on your mind in the last few months in the meantime.