There have been a lot of ups and downs already and I'm only 2 dpiui, which does not bode well for my sanity during this two-week wait. The HCG trigger is still working it's way out of my body, and I've got the same kind of boob pain and a slighter version of the hunger pangs of my pregnancy. Strangely, that doesn't bother me. It's like meeting an old acquaintance and realizing they haven't changed. I know it means nothing about what's going on in my body and I take it for exactly what it's worth.
But my equanimous response to the shot does not mean that I'm handling everything with aplomb. Yesterday, I decided that there's no way the IUI worked because we weren't able to follow doctors' orders and have back-up sex later that night. I spent some time hanging out with Dr. Google (stupid stupid stupid) and learned that post-wash sperm only lives 6-12 hours, so if my ovulation was even a little off, we're screwed. And then I was in quite a funk for the rest of the day.
Truthfully, though, I never really thought it would work even from the beginning. When we made the decision to rush straight into an IUI during our testing cycle, it wasn't because I thought it would actually bring us a baby. It was to get one under our belt before our necessary break in December (and at the time I thought we would also have a November break, though I've changed my thinking on that recently).
There are so many reasons I don't think this worked, aside from my fears about poor timing: the need for self-preservation; my inability to feel hope about this subject; the fact that I got pregnant this time last year; the fact that I want it so much; the fact that everyone who reads my blog wants it for me. Yes, all your encouraging posts and crossed fingers and hopeful wishes are signs to me that this won't happen. That doesn't mean I don't appreciate them-- I really do. I suppose the mind-frame I'm in is capable of turning anything and everything into evidence of its foregone conclusions.
To survive these next weeks, Lawyer Guy and I have come up with a little game. We're going to give each other some kind of nice surprise every day until I get my period or pee on a stick. Yesterday, I vacuumed the rug when he got home, which he had been asking me to do for a while (yes, I'm a terrible housekeeper). He gave me an extra-long kiss (since the bakery a few blocks down was closed). I have to figure out what today's surprise will be. I'm thinking a red velvet twinkie from that same bakery.
I wish I could give myself temporary amnesia and forgot I'm even trying to get pregnant until my period shows. But I guess this will have to do.
Please comment and let me know how you survive a 2ww after treatment or when you're anticipating betas. I'm ready for any tips you can dish out!
I'm back, and it's hopefully not a once-off!!
7 years ago
Um, yum to a red velvet twinkie. That sounds delicious.
ReplyDeleteI seriously have no good advice for surviving the 2ww post IUI. I tend to just try to keep from losing it.
I will try to think unpositively for you if that helps? Hmm... I'm not sure I can do it. I can think all sorts of negative thoughts for myself but I'm all about the positive for everyone else!
Surviving the dreaded 2ww? bake. cook. everything. cook for the neighbors, bake goodies for the co-workers. stay as busy as possible!!! watch smut on TV...read non-baby/pregnancy books! STAY BUSY!
ReplyDeleteoh, this is an awesome plan. the surprises will surely be a great distraction for you guys!
ReplyDeletedh and i went out to 4-5 really nice dinners during the 2ww. all types of food that i was craving, and we pigged out big time. that was a nice distraction. and surely, all the eating made me think that i was perhaps pregnant bc my stomach was getting bigger (mostly from overeating). i also spent a lot of time with my nephew, in the hopes that his baby goodness would rub off on me. i kept putting his tiny little hand on my tummy and pretended to have him say "i want a cousin. NOW!!" i know you already know i'm a bit nutty.
have you started the novel that you mentioned you plan on writing one day? i'll be the first in line to grab 100 copies. was thinking of you the other day when i was desperately trying to find an interesting book to read on my kindle and failing. any book recs? i loved those libba bray books you recommended back when ...
hang in there!! xoxo.
Love the little present idea. I just try to keep myself busy. I actually read A LOT during the 2ww. I find totally absorbing, totally LIGHT reading and read read read. During my last 2ww, I read 7 books. That's a lot for a FT working mom!!
ReplyDeleteI spend the whole time on Dr google killing myself about the whats and maybe's. That's how I typically spend the 2ww.... so more power to you if you can fight it and do something constructive. Or sweet and romantic even! I will squeeze my eyes real tight and make a wish for you. x
ReplyDeleteDon't have too much good advice for surviving the 2ww, but like others have suggested, I find it helpful to lose myself in books, and of course light and fluffy TV. It also does me a lot of good to stay away from Google.
ReplyDeleteUntil a few months ago, before treatment got expensive, my husband and I would plan a fun weekend away or even just an overnight trip somewhere close so that no matter what happened, at the end of the wait we'd have a little something to look forward to together.
I think doing special things for each other is the best way to get through and special things for yourself. I beta tomorrow. I'm going insane and I'm googling like a mad woman!
ReplyDeleteEquanimous? Aplomb? Gurrrl, you should be an SAT tutor if you're not already. I *adore* the daily surprises idea. Not only will it be great to receive a little extra special love every day, but the act of focusing on someone else and how to make him smile will take your mind off your ovaries. Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteSo I never got your feedback; you in for Formerlyinfertipalooza '11?
I think your plan to survive the 2ww is a great one. It will give you something to look forward to each day and I definitely think that it will help pass the time. I have no advice on what to do. I struggle through as best I can. I find the 1st week much easier than the 2nd, probably because I know that there isn't really much to be seen or felt that first week anyway...
ReplyDeleteRead. Knit. Take a mini-trip, if your schedule permits. I hae the same attitude about every outcome of a 2ww. I shared my attitude with my doctor when I was in there last week, and she told me that it was a very "half empty" approach. My retort: "Yeah, well, it's either expect the worst and hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised someday, or I'm just a perpetual basketcase who cries all the time."
ReplyDeleteYour plan of the daily surprises sounds wonderful! No advice since I have no treatment experience. Staying away from Dr. Google sounds good in theory, but usually is not practicable...
ReplyDeleteIt is so interesting for me to read this-- how much worse the 2ww wait sounds after treatment, when all those untreated ones were so hard to get through! It sounds like torture, and reading novels (and baking) is all I can recommend. I do love the surprises idea, too.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about the back-up sex. We never did. Hubs is just not able to "produce" twice in one day. It sucks, but we just made sure to do the deed the night of trigger since unwashed sperm can live quite a bit longer.
ReplyDeleteI like your idea of doing something nice each day. I found that spending time with people who didn't know we were TTC was a great distraction - and SHOPPING!
Hang in there!
Back-up sex is hard. For me, it felt like a chore. We only did it a couple of times due to my cramping and hubby's sperm count. So I wouldn't be too concerned. As for passing time during the 2WW? Take (mild) walks, bake, take bubble baths (not too hot), read a new book, make plans with friends, etc. The name of the game is STAY BUSY. The busier you stay, the less time you will have to think about the possible outcomes of this.
ReplyDeleteI hope your wait flies by. You're always in my thoughts!
Two week waits go by the fastest when you're out of town or not in your regular routine. However, that can get expensive or impractical after a while.
ReplyDeleteJust try to keep yourself busy and away from Dr. Google. That's all you can really do.
I'm on the exact same IUI schedule as you (except I had back to backs). So I'm also 2dpiui. I'm also not sure how I'm going to get through the next 2 weeks. My plan is just to keep myself extremely busy. I'll read, go out with friends, we're having a dinner party this weekend, a bbq, etc. I can't wait to see if this works for both of us.
ReplyDeleteI made sure I was as busy as possible during my 2ww. I called up friends & family and made plans every night I could. If I didn't have outside plans I made sure after work I had a project waiting for me at home that would take most of my focus off the waiting.
ReplyDeleteThe 2ww is THE worst! But I'm hoping you get some wonderful news at the end of it.
I love the idea of a surprise a day! That's so, so sweet :). As for keeping your head away from hampster brain, I'd say stay away from Dr. Google at all costs. I seriously drove myself silly in my first 2ww after my first medicated cycle in January. When my period showed I was literally in denial so I kept Googling "vanishing twin" b/c I thought for sure I was pregnant and had only miscarried one. Seriously, it's enough to drive you to drink that Dr. Google!
ReplyDeleteIt's so, so hard to optimistic about an IUI working. I know exactly how you feel. I went through this with my first two IUIs. But then I realized that thinking it didn't work didn't prepare me emotionally for it not working so I might as well be as positive as I can possibly can. That's the path I'm taking now. Will it work? I don't know. But I figured it's worth a shot :).
How to survive? Oh boy, barely hanging on over here. My newest strategy is to discount every single bodily sensation I have. But emotions are still all over the place. I like the idea of doing something nice and surprising daily. Just hoping the time passes relatively quickly for you.
ReplyDeleteMo
I love the surprise idea. That's really great (hmmmm...thinks Adele, I wonder if Mr. Delinquent would get on board?).
ReplyDeleteI have no tips. Actually, I have one. Decide that you are going to confine your anxiety to certain days. Tell yourself you will not become anxious until, say, 11dpo (because, really, there's no point to get anxious before and no peestick is going to give you a straight answer). Then, whenever those thoughts flood in (and they will) tell yourself, "No. I'm saving this crap for 10 dpo".
Disclaimer: I have had limited success with that.
Just reread my post above. See? I shaved off a day there in the end...
ReplyDeleteTry to stay away from google. Massage / acupuncture, long walks / weeekend away anything that means you aren't in front of the computer to randomly google things. That is what has always done my head in. The 2ww is the worst no doubt about it. Hang in there :)
ReplyDeleteI love the little surprises game! :) Toooo sweet. Kinda reminds you of what this really is all about, you know? (And HELL YES to red velvet twinkie and an extra long kiss!)
ReplyDeleteI have noooo clue how I survived the 2WW after my transfer. Somehow it was easier than any previous 2WW in that it was taken totally out of our hands. It was scientifically managed, you know? In addition, I was already pretty effin' low after retrieval. We got so many fewer eggs than we were pumped to expect, and ever fewer were mature and then fertilized. A BFN seemed like a forgone conclusion, so I just kind of turned my brain off...
Stay busy, focus your energy on LG, and find some way to indulge yourself...