A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Up on the Tightrope; or, Things that Don't Suck Quite As Much As Yesterday

Thanks for your encouragement the other day. I made a series of frantic, sobbing phone calls to my insurance provider and then to the doctor. The office that performed the d&c was not my regular Ob/Gyn's office and it was out of network, which I didn't know at the time (I went there because my doc recommended them). Apparently they charge $17,000 for a procedure my insurance only approves for $3,000. But based on my conversation with the billing department, I'm gathering that they go after the insurance companies for huge payments and then take what they can get without kicking it to the patient. The woman at the billing office kept saying that they will bill me (possibly the full amount though usually not), but "we understand if you can't pay."

I just have to wait for the bill to arrive next month. My mom said she's gone through this many times before and will help me follow the process to get out of paying it. So I feel a little relieved about this. Giving up our trip to Scandinavia to pay for this procedure would have just gutted me. That trip is the only thing consoling me for the fact that I won't have a sweet newborn to cuddle this summer.

Also, many thanks for your encouraging words about the egg white cervical mucus. It's comforting to know it's still possible to get pregnant without them, since Taking Charge of Your Fertility made it seem completely impossible. But I strongly suspect that I'm not actually gearing up to ovulate yet, and the 5th day of High fertility readings with no ovulatory cramps and no egg whites has me convinced. I have ewcm EVERY MONTH. TONS of it. That's the one thing I've got going for me in this whole shittastic conception scenario. I think for whatever reason, the monitor detected my rising estrogen levels really early this month and got me all excited about it, but they're actually just rising really slowly and I'll ovulate around my usual CD 20 or so.

I shouldn't be so upset about this, but I am. I know that I'm lucky to ovulate at all! I know that my cycles are within the realm of normal. But it takes so much emotional energy out of me each month when I never know when I'll ovulate or when to go at it with the sex. I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope for the two middle weeks of my cycle, and every morning that I don't see a Peak reading I have a little fall.

At least I have a bridal shower and bachelorette party today to distract me. I hope your weekends are filled with ewcm, LH surges, super-fast fertilizing spermies, fabulous ERs, implanting embabies, BFPs, and awesome ultrasounds, wherever in your cycle you may be.


  1. Keep drinking that raspberry leaf tea my friend. :) I hope your monitor and EWCM light up SOON so you can move on with the more fun part of the cycle (you know, covering your bases and then the hope of the 2ww). Glad the insurance drama seems to be fizzling....ugh, it's the last thing you guys need. xo

  2. i'm glad you got some answers on your insurance stuff. you don't need that kinda stuff right now!

    your scandinavia trips sounds awesome! i absolutely live for the trips that hubby and i take every year. i'm still pissed that i gave up my 2 week trip to japan in february, bc the devil on my shoulder told me squeeze in my 1st ivf before work season got busy. fast forward ---> BFN and a 4 day mini trip to the caribbean instead was NOT up to snuff for me.

    don't apologize about the tease that seems to be ovulation. there are no patterns to my periods, but when i first started to track them, i was soo confused and wound up so tightly bc i kept expecting (and WAITING) for that positive stick. highly highly annoying. it sounds like it's coming for you, so happy bedding this month :o)

    my hubby just got back from a week long business trip, so i need to go glue myself to his side :o)

  3. Just catching up on your insurance story. Glad it looks like it will work out. Good luck for this cycle.

  4. Glad you're feeling a bit better and hope you can get this insurance issue resolved without too much hassle. Hope you had a nice weekend!

  5. In this case, I don't know if it is better to have more or less regular cycles. Because mine are usually 28 days, with the occasional foray up to something like 33 days. So when I don't see the dark line on day 13 I start to freak out.... whereas if you weren't sure when to expect it, no particular day causes as much stress. Although I admit that the cumulative stress has got to be higher, if your cycles are irregular. Not to mention the annoyance of having to wait longer between attempts.

    The stress of waiting for the fertile window was REALLY getting to E, so we have implemented a 'don't ask don't tell' policy, where I hide all my gear, and the stress is all mine. It worked out great this month, although E did violate the 'don't ask' part of the policy. :) I lied, of course.