A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

The Games We Play; or, Positive Bullsh!t

Today's CD 1 so it's time to play everybody's favorite game, "How Much Positive Bullshit Can Sloper Come Up With To Make Herself Not Cry." Last month I sadly lost-- too many cycles out of the game left me rusty and unprepared. But with some serious training over the past 34 days, I'm proud to report that I'm in better form than ever and cleaning up the field with ease.

Without further ado, I present: The Positive Bullshit

1. "I didn't want a December baby anyway. Sharing your birthday month with Christmas (and your father, cousin, and aunt) would really suck." +1 point

2. "Everyone else I know had a late 2009 or is having a 2010 baby: 2011 belongs to me! Suck on that, bitches!" +5 points

3. "I'm glad I'll get pregnant with the sticky baby after I turn 30. 29 was a shittastic year, so 30 will obviously be the bomb." + 3 points

4. "Now I can take my orals and teach all of Fall '10 without worrying about the baby coming early." + 1 point

5. "Back in January, I secretly thought to myself that I would have a January baby." + 10 points (if it happens); - 5 points (if it doesn't)

I admit that "owning" 2011 among my family members is the strongest piece of Positive Bullshit, which makes me petty and greedy, but I don't care. They can all suck a big turd and send me giant presents when I give birth, because I'm clearly taking on all the fertility troubles allotted to this family so they can breeze through and pop out easy baby after easy baby. Presents, dammit. Presents!

In the meantime, this Easter will consist of church with some of my sisters, followed by brunch and several huge Bloody Marys, rather than putting together an Easter basket for my husband (who LOVES them in a way that his Jewish ancestors would likely not appreciate) and slipping a positive pee stick among the cellophane grass. I know, cute right? The little bunny holding the hpt? The jelly-bean filled plastic eggs announcing our little Easter egg?

Darn it, where's that Positive Bullshit again?

11 comments:

  1. CD 1 for me, too! And I totally cried....I'm not positive enough to come up with bullshit this month.

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  2. This is a good list... I don't think you can even class it as bullshit! Still, CD1 always stings. Here's hoping for that January baby. 2011 is YOURS!!!!

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  3. I'm sorry that AF showed but I absolutely love this list. And #4? It will be great to get to teach a semester and get that experience under the belt. Any ideas where you'll be starting?

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  4. My "AF" showed last night too. We're on track together, girl! +40 for sharing this shittastic (love that word! am stealing it...) experience.

    Sorry you can't present LG with an HCG-bearing bunny, but hey, at least you can have those bloody marys. And for me, right now, that's worth +100 on your list!

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  5. Sorry about CD1. I like your list - hope you get that bonus 10 points for a January baby.
    Happy Easter - enjoy those bloody marys!

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  6. I attempted commenting earlier from my iPhone, clearly didn't work. But I say SUCK IT 2010!! 2011 is your year my friend. Enjoy the Bloody Marys tomorrow and cheers to conceiving this month so 2011 is the year of Secret Slope. xo

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  7. I'm sorry it's CD1. Having a drinks sounds like a perfectly good thing to do right now. Yes, you need to own 2011! Happy Easter and enjoy the time with the family.

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  8. I'm a new reader, so hi! I don't think that's petty at all--I've had such similar thoughts, only mine are along the lines of "Well, at least mine will be the youngest one when..."

    It's the tiniest of consolations.

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  9. While I admire your positive attitude, Fuck CD1.
    Fuck it.

    And for real-- 2011 is your year! You don't need to share 2010 with anyone. :)

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  10. I agree, 2010 can seriously SUCK IT!! 2011 is going to be your year (and hopefully mine too), and a January baby would be even more sweet because we will totally dominate the whole year with our newborn bliss!!!

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  11. I love your attitude, seriously. I love that you came up with "points" to play along. You have true wit.

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