A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Monday, October 26, 2009

One Week; or, Joy and Fear

I found out about this pregnancy one week ago today. These seven days have progressed so slowly, but so happily. I think about this baby all the time, and dream about him or her. I've mentally decorated and redecorated the nursery about twenty times. I'm drinking as much water as I can hold and trying to take pleasure in every back ache, cramp, exhausted night, and disgusting cystic zit that just won't go away.

I'm also thankful every day I see no spotting or feel a symptom. And I'm nervous every time I read another "Please remove me from June/May/April Mamas" post on The Bump's 1st Tri board. A friend of friends on facebook posted a picture of her digital pregnancy test about two weeks ago. Over the weekend, she had to make an announcement that the pregnancy was no more.

My husband is taking our doctor's advice very much to heart and trying to keep a little distance from the baby until he feels more secure about the progress. This doesn't mean he's keeping distance from me AT ALL--just that he's trying to avoid too much future-talk until after our appointment tomorrow.

I'm so excited to have another peek at the baby and to see what's going on in there and learn how we're coming along and what to do next. And I'm scared that we'll get bad news, that we'll lose this dream just when it seems the closest.

It's early. I'm just over five weeks. That's so early.

But I know that the odds are things will be fine.

So I'm trying to take it one day at a time. Every day I'm pregnant is a good day.

1 comment:

  1. I can't wait for your appointment tomorrow-- I hope it will give you some peace. Like you said, the odds are that everything will be fine.

    You are in my thoughts!! I hope you get a pic of the little m&m-- can't wait to see.