Flunking out of Statistics Class; or, Signs Are Unclear

I'm no scientist, but even I know a data set of one is hardly the most reliable indicator of trends. But we work with what we've got, and I've got one: one pregnancy; one successful two week wait; one list of symptoms.

I assume that my next pregnancy--whenever and however it is--will resemble my last. I assume it will resemble that two week wait more than the 9+ others that didn't lead to an embryo in my ute. And thankfully (or more likely, unfortunately), I kept relatively detailed notes of my symptoms during successful cycle 7, notes against which I now compare every twinge and cramp and stomach burble in every subsequent two week wait.

"Let's see, I'm 6 dpo and feeling hungry but have no backache. And on 11 dpo my boobs are tender, but only on the sides and the cramps are dull and higher in my ute and my skin is oily. Let's turn to the symptoms bible and see how it compares."

Of course, the biggest mind fuck of it all is that I felt like my period was coming for much of that 2ww, too. And while my notes were frequent, they were also a little vague. I didn't give the intermittent cramps a ranking on the 1-10 pain scale. I didn't specifically note where in my abdomen they were located or perfectly time their frequency. I didn't jot down exactly how tender my boobs were, or which part of them was most sensitive. And seven months later, I somehow can't quite remember how I felt during that last week.

Clearly, these results would not fly in any scientific journal of repute, but that won't stop me from performing my calculations. I'm 9 dpo or so right now and things are not stacking up great. Rereading my posts from October, I see that I felt very much like my period was coming at this point (as I do now), so that's a wash. My boobs are a bit more tender than usual, but they're most tender on the sides (pre-period) rather than in the center or near the nipple (pregnancy). My boobs are also huge, as when I was pregnant. But the huge pregnancy boobs came after I took the test--my notes show that prior to that they were actually a little on the smaller side. I have one tiny baby zit near my right temple and my skin feels a bit oily, which is all very period and so much pregnancy.

Okay, I got that out of the way, and I promise I won't subject you to this sort of ridiculousness again. The only thing worse than running through these mental contortions is reading someone else's. Both lead to extreme grumpiness, which I am definitely feeling these days.

Not helping with my grumpiness: the skinny jeans arrived. Murphy apparently has it in for me. I couldn't even zip them up. Either AC.NE sizes their jeans way smaller than all the other brands I wear or I am having some outrageously intense period bloat. The third option--that I've gone up a size thanks to frequent "I'm not pregnant so I deserve this ice-cream/cake/jumbo bag of potato chips" binges--is not something I can consider right now. If the last 16 months have made me both fat and barren, the universe is going to get a crotch kick like it wouldn't believe.

They Say It's My Birthday; or, Sparkle Dresses!

My birthday is Sunday, but my birthday party isn't for several more weeks. Lawyer Guy is throwing my a cocktail party at a restaurant downtown, and I wanted to wait to have it until the semester was over and I could actually relax and enjoy being with my family and friends without stressing about papers to grade and/or write.

So I haven't actually bought a dress yet or done any intensive shopping. I've got a few criteria in mind, though. The lucky chosen dress must be: cocktail length; sparkly (either sequined or beaded); a color other than black (nearly every cocktail dress I own is black and I want to branch out already!); and ideally a little bit sexy. Here, for your viewing pleasure, are a few likely prospects:

Prospect #1: Antik Batik Jessica dress:

This dress is gorgeous. I stumbled upon it when I stopped into a shop on the Upper East Side before my thyroid-checking appointment with my doctor a few weeks ago. It fits perfectly, is sparkly and fancy but lady-like at the same time, and I love it.

There are significant drawbacks, however. For starters, the dress is about $200 more than what I had anticipated spending. LG would NOT be pleased to see that credit card bill. But I could get past this if not for the second drawback: the color. It's an off-white/ivory shade, which is beautiful and looks great on me, but is severely limiting in terms of the kinds of events I could wear the dress to. As in, the wedding I have to attend in Florida in late June. If I'm going to spend this much money on a dress, I want to get a lot of use out of it. And an off-white dress--even a short, obviously non-wedding off-white dress--just isn't going to allow for that.

Prospect #2: Alice + Olivia Maggie Dress

This dress is super cute and a much better price. But I haven't tried it on yet, and it appears to be sold out on the Alice + Olivia website and at Bloomingdale's. I'm not sure how I'd get it if I chose it.

Prospect #3: Alice + Olivia Beaded Tank


Another cute, sparkly dress from Alice + Olivia in my price range, but this one is still available (so I could presumably try it on). Again, though, there's a problem with the off-white color. I'll have to see it in the flesh (the cloth?) to decide if it looks more sparkly-silver or more creamy-white.

Prospect #4: Tory Burch Rannon Dress


I must confess, I'm a huge Tory Burch junkie (and Lilly Pulitzer and J. Crew-- I'm basically your walking nightmare of a stereotypical Junior Leaguer). I already have this year's summer T Burch sample sale marked in my date book (June 22nd!), and I never come away with less than six things. I own three of her dresses already, although they're all tailored linen shifts rather than sparkly plunging-v cocktail dresses. But they fit me like a dream-- I think the form they use to fit my size must be to my exact measurements or something. So this dress is totally appealing. And it's not off-white!

Prospect #5 (and beyond): Rent the Runway

I don't have pictures for my final options because I'm considering a rather unorthodox approach. I joined Rent the Runway a few weeks ago. It's a new site that allows members (membership is free) to rent designer dresses for a few days, rather than purchasing them. If I did this, I could wear a much pricier dress than I feel comfortable buying (and a cursory search showed some very pretty ones). But the rental fee is around $100 or $200, which seems like an awful lot to spend for a dress you wear once and don't get to keep. Like I said before, I'm all about buying semi-expensive clothes and then wearing them into the ground. So I probably won't choose this option, but felt it was worth mentioning just in case.

Let me know what you think about my prospects! I may end up buying none of these dresses after shopping and trying them on, but whatever I get will be along these lines.