A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Monday, July 11, 2011

One of "Those Posts"; or Bullets Make it Better

I didn't think I'd turn into one of those blogger who, when pregnant, ran out of things to say. The truth is, there's lots to say! But I'm so preoccupied with all the stuff I need to get done in my life (and the stuff I don't need to get done, but that is impinging on my life regardless), that sitting down and organizing my thoughts into a coherent post is low on my list of priorities. That said...um, here's a list of my thoughts:

  • There's been a lot of family drama going on in the last few weeks. I don't feel comfortable sharing it here, as it has nothing to do with IF/Loss/Pregnancy and isn't my news to share. It doesn't even really involve me, other than that I've been party to a lot of intense phone calls, confusion, sudden flights out to New York, and people either crashing on my couch or wanting to crash on my couch. I hope it's calming down, because I'm already so emotionally overwhelmed I don't think I can take much more.

  • I have an official date for my oral exam: September 9th. I will be 36 weeks pregnant. Yikes. It's nine weeks away. Double Yikes. It's the week after my baby shower. Triple Yikes.

  • I leave for California in three weeks. Next weekend, Lawyer Guy leaves for a two-week out-of-town trial. I'm spending three weeks in California (part of the time--thank God--with LG for my sister's wedding). That means that only one or neither of us will be home for the first five weeks of my third trimester. Needless to say, we've had to spend the last several weekends getting a LOT done around the apartment. I've also been sad. He and I are rarely apart, but now we'll be separated for an entire month, with the exception of the day of my 29-week ultrasound (he insisted he return for that). He's going to miss an entire month of my pregnancy with Smudgie. I suddenly have even more respect for military wives, who can spend an entire pregnancy apart from their husbands. So hard.

  • We attended our first childbirth education class last weekend, specifically a Yoga for Labor and Delivery class. LG thought it was just a boondoggle to force the husbands to massage their wives' feet. I wasn't complaining.

  • We've hired a doula to be present at our (MD-overseen, hospital) birth. We'll be meeting with her for the second time this Friday to start talking about a birth "plan" (I freaking hate that word because I have no plan. I do have some hopes, but I know full-well that hoping and planning are worlds apart). I suppose this means I need to actually read some books about labor now.

  • I still feel scared. I hear about a woman who lost her child to a cord accident and my heart clenches up. Or Smudgie has a sleepy day and I poke and poke the poor little thing, trying to get him or her to dance for me. I'm trying hard to enjoy every moment, though, and to not let fears of what might happen destroy my enjoyment of what is happening. Still, I worded my baby shower invitations very carefully so as to avoid any apparent presumption that I'm banking on a baby at the end of this.

  • The 3-hour GD test sucked and I'm still waiting for the results (and for the massive, plum-sized bruise on my arm to fade). But it's over and whatever the results are it will be fine and I'd do it 100 times again to keep Smudgie safe.

  • Smudgie has really cranked the kicking up to a new level in the past week. Now when I side-lie to go to sleep, he or she starts playing the timpanis on both sides of my ueterus at once. Not very restful, I must admit, but very cool.
  • And finally, the latest update on the Smudgie Room progress:

The stack of books in the corner will be going into our space-challenged bedroom once I order this nifty bookshelf. The big bookshelf in the room will be going to charity or craigslist once LG's trial is over. The other stuff is going into one of our many closets once we recover enough from last weekend's reorganizational frenzy to take care of it. The diplomas will be going somewhere sad and out-of-the-way until I have an actual office and an actual reason to display them. Later this week or early next, the closet will be renovated to fit LG's and Smudgie's clothes and the walls will be painted. And then I think we might actually have to order some baby furniture.


I'll keep you posted.


  1. I am so sorry for the family drama.....gaaaah. Hope everything is settling down on that front. And UGH on being away from LG, my heart hurts thinking about you guys being separated during such an exciting and emotional time. You will be okay. You will, you will, you will.

    You have a lot on your plate, but I know you will get through it all. I'm thinking of you Slopie!! Can't wait to see how the nursery comes together. xoxo

  2. I'm still scared too, so I understand. Spruce keeps telling me I have to stop reading blogs about stillbirths, and I've honestly been trying not to because I can't handle it right now, but then I happen on them and start to worry...But kick counts are comforting, as you said. Probably neither of us will ever totally relax, but it sounds like your preparations are going great (if a bit overwhelming!) It's all getting really real now, isn't it? I'm sorry you and LG have to be apart--that's really hard! I hope the time passes quickly. Wishing you well with your very busy summer!

  3. Yeah for the good news on the baby front, and I'll be excited to hear updates on the orals prep.

    About the bookshelves: very, very cool. I am already wincing, though, as I imagine the havoc a crawling and pulling-up child might wreak. My husband devised a nifty screen system to cover the lower shelves of our bookshelves, CD, and DVD racks. They were in place for nearly 5 1/2 years, until my younger one (2 1/2) lost interest in grabbing things off shelves.

  4. Being away from your husband for that long sounds really hard. I'm sorry you're going to have to go through that. I suppose it will always help you appreciate each other that much more...

    Glad Smudgie's kickin' around and growing strong!

  5. thanks for the update-- i don't miss my pregnancy AT ALL. i know some people do, but it was so scary, and i was so fat and uncomfortable and slow-witted. there's nothing to miss! especially in light of the fact that actually having the baby is AMAZING. so don't worry too much if you aren't enjoying pregnancy too much-- especially with LG MIA, your exam approaching (HUGE respect to you for that-- my brain was like wallpaper paste throughout my pregnancy), and family drama... don't worry, the baby will be MUCH better of an experience!