A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Nothing to See Here, Folks; or, CD 21

I'm feeling completely disconnected from TTC right now-- and also to be honest, pretty disconnected from the blog/message-board world, too. I guess that's a good thing, if being active and engaged in our day-to-day lives is the ultimate goal. Lawyer Guy and I have been spending a lot of time together lately, hitting up movies (we saw The Kids Are All Right at a theater in Brooklyn where we sat next to a rather famous celebrity couple from our neighborhood), checking out new brunch spots, working on the apartment, exploring the neighborhood. I've been knee-deep in contractors for the past week (and for the week to come) as we make some needed home improvements (the subject of an upcoming blog post to be sure). I've been readying myself for our vacation next week and laying a major guilt trip over not getting enough writing done.

And meanwhile, I've been not ovulating. Not checking my cervical mucus. Not crying about it. Not particularly wanting to blog about it. Not googling about it.

I've been skipping my pre-natals and even forgetting to take my vitex. I suppose I'll ovulate eventually, maybe, probably. And I might even be before CD 28, which is the last day my CBEFM will be able to detect it. But if I don't...whatever. It's not like I would have gotten pregnant anyway.

The anniversary of the pregnancy is coming up, and that hurts if I let myself think about it. The RE appointment is coming up, and that's exciting if I let myself think about it. And there's always that teeny, tiny piece of me (maybe one of my finger joints? Or a toe bone? Or part of my inner ear?) that still thinks maybethiscouldbethemonth. So I'm pretty sure that I'll be back to hoping and tracking and obsessing and wishing and despairing soon enough.

But in the meantime...meh.

13 comments:

  1. Good for you! It's nice to take a break from it all sometimes. Ohh, and do tell us about the celeb couple at the theater ;)

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  2. very excited for your vacation with LG next week! I hope you share lots of pics of your trip.

    I feel you on being MEH with trying. After so long and being on the cusp of bigger things, it seems pointless to put so much thought and effort into it.

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  3. Trying sucks. Trying to not care about trying also sucks. I know that upcoming anniversary is going to rip open some scabs that were never going to heel anyway . . . if you want to talk about it, you've got plenty of people here who are ready to nod and listen (and throw back a couple of adult beverages with you).

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  4. Hey! Back indeed. Any interest in unlimited tacos and sangria at Barrio tonight (or any Monday)? E-mail me.

    Celebrities, eh? Connolly-Bettany? Gyllenhall-Saarsgard?

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  5. I'm excited for your trip FOR you!!!

    I'm not sure if the "meh" or "OCD" stages are better or worse (or more or less painful). But I always always have hope for you. This could indeed be the month, Slopie. And wouldn't that be awesome, just when you're totally and completely over all of this crap. xo

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  6. Oh I cannot wait to hear about the updates! We cannot afford to do so right now with our place so I'm always excited to read about someone elses!

    I'm so glad you and LG are really plugging into each other right now. Focus on each other, your marriage and enjoy the happiness you each bring each other. :) Love is a beautiful thing.

    I'm still holding out hope that maybethisisthemonth too - I always do! But if it's not, I'm really excited to hear about your first RE appt and what he/she thinks.

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  7. Blast! I messed up my double "a"'s--Gyllenhaal-Sarsgaard. There. I feel better now.

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  8. "Meh" sounds very good. It sounds like you are looking ahead to the RE, and that is relieving the strain of ttc... and that sounds great. You are moving forward here, and I am very excited to start getting some results!

    In the meantime, your trip sounds super fun. I hope you can enjoy it fully, without care, schnapps and all, the 2ww be damned! (the fetus isn't in contact with your bloodstream yet-- so indulge over there, ok?)

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  9. I think periodically feeling meh is actually a good thing. There are times where your heart just has to stand down for a little while - it would be awful if it were on the front line every moment of every day. And you have good things to look forward to (even if that's in addition to an anniversary that is sure to make you blue).

    It's such a strange thing - time is so often what we feel we have too much of. Time here, on this desert island. But time is sometimes exactly what we need...just...to BREATHE!

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  10. I'm almost jealous of your "meh" attitude right now. I keep trying to disconnect from things, but I'm finding it so difficult.

    So glad that you and the hubby are spending a lot of quality time together. Gotta keep bringing it back to that--the love and bond WITHOUT all the trying and heartache getting in the way.

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  11. I wish "taking a break" or "not falling into the insanity trap" equaled happiness. Because meh is so very.... meh.

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  12. Sometimes you need a month (or two) to just *forget* about all things TTC. Of course it's still there, but giving your mind a teeny break every now and then is a very good thing. Plus, you can focus on your awesome upcoming vacation!

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  13. So excited for the upcoming trip with hubby, I'm sure it will be totally amazing!! And I hear you on the meh months (and when I had them my prenatals were always the first to go). Sometimes you're just too worn out to obsess, and you might as well go with the flow and not force it. I will still be keeping my fingers crossed for some ovulation signs here in the near future, but you do have your RE appt in your back pocket as your fall back!

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