I'm back from Shelter Island, a little battered and bruised emotionally. I can only say this: the timing this month wasn't good. Getting pregnant based on our recent "schedule" isn't impossible, of course, at least not according to TCOYF. But I'm a realist here. Yay! I Can't Believe It Happened Like This! bfps aren't in the cards for us. We had one month of excellently timed sex that led to a pregnancy. We've had months and months of excellently timed sex that led to a big fat nothing. And we've had months and months of not-so-well timed sex that yielded nothing as well.
I'm probably about 1 dpo and I already know I'm not pregnant. I can't tell you how much that hurts, to feel like we've given up before we've even begun. To feel hopeless right off the bat. I'm now positive that we will be going to our RE appointment next month. And I'm now worrying overtime about my sister's wedding next summer and whether to delay treatments because of it. I'm fretting. I'm crying. I'm grieving the baby-without-assistance that I don't think we'll get to make.
But Lawyer Guy and I are closer than ever right now, and we've had some amazing moments of communication in the last 24 hours. If we ever do get the baby that we want so much, that kid will so lucky to have two parents as unconditionally crazy about each other as they are about him or her.
I'm back, and it's hopefully not a once-off!!
11 months ago