A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

UPDATED Help Me, Bloggers!; or, An Unexpected Call

I'm working on a photo-filled Scandi trip recap, but it is getting stalled by my syllabus planning schedule (I return to teaching on Thursday and am woefully behind in planning my new courses), so you'll have to wait until the end of the week for our virtual tour of Copenhagen and Stockholm. But! In the meantime! Some news and a request for advice!

I posted in the past about the insurance issues with the office of the RE at N.YU (Dr. Man) I had originally wanted to see. Because of a lengthy on-going contract negotiation between that office and my insurance company, I went ahead and made an appointment with a different RE at Cor.nell (Dr. Lady) for a few weeks from now.

Well, yesterday the very friendly nurse from Dr. Man's office called and left me a message saying that the insurance contract has been finalized and they now accept my group.

So I'm putting this to my RE-adept readers. Should I make a second consultation appointment with Dr. Man? My appointment with Dr. Lady is the 17th (which will most likely be after ovulation). I would hope to get an appointment with Dr. Man this month, as well.

Is it kosher to have preliminary meetings with more than one RE office? If I do, should I be upfront about the fact that I'm looking at another clinic as well, and take time before moving on to testing with either office? If I do set up this second appointment, what sorts of things should I consider in deciding which to work with? What kinds of questions should I ask? I know many of you had disappointing experiences with your first REs. Are there any warning signs you would recommend looking for to stave off that possibility?

If I can get this sorted out by tomorrow, I'll feel much better about beginning the semester in two days: new school year, new classes, new hope on the TTC front, all in time for the anniversary of the m&m's conception. Maybe things will start looking up for me soon!

UPDATE:
I called and made the appointment for Dr. Man (two days before my appointment with Dr. Lady). And I mentioned I'm on CD 3. And I'm going in for blood work today after my therapy session (conveniently around the corner from Dr. Man's office).

Holy crap, this is really happening.

21 comments:

  1. I would be up front with both places, tell them you're looking at both and trying to decide which one fits you better. I think the doctor will be thankful for that and should be able to give you an overview of what they would do, why they would do it and how. Go to both and figure out which one is more comfortable with you.

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  2. You don't owe either place anything. Think of it like an interview: you bring in two possible candidates, sit down and talk with both of them, and decide which one you feel most comfortable with. You don't tell one about the other. I think that, in many cases, we view doctors as being the ones in charge. But the reality is that you are in charge. Remember: YOU are paying THEM for their service. You have the right to meet with both of them and then make your decision. That's what a consult is all about.

    Good luck. I can't wait to see the photos of your trip!

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  3. I agree with both of the previous posters. We checked out two clinics before deciding which was right. In the end the decision came down to a personal feeling. My husband and I both preferred the one clinic over the other, for no reason beyond nicer receptionists, a warmer waiting room (not temp), and a good first impression of the doctor. When the stats are similar at both places we didn't have much more to go on.

    And I'd be up front with both places, too. Like the PPs said, you don't owe them anything and I would guess that they are more than accustomed to having people "window shopping."

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  4. Well, my husband still likes to tease me about our RE tour of DC. I went to four different doctors, including one RE that couldn't treat me but could give me a consult. I found it very reassuring to find that most of these RE had the same diagnosis and Rx. Plus, some doctors were better at explaining than others. See both. Go with whichever one makes you more comfortable ... or can get you started on a new path first. Good luck.

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  5. I think it's completely okay to check out more than one place. I also think that they actually expect this from savvier patients. I'm not sure you even need to say anything, to be honest. At this point, you're just beginning to hear their opinions, their approaches. I've had consultations at both clinics you mention. They're both top-notch but so much - for me, at least - has come down to the doc. And you won't know that until you meet him/her. Therefore, the more the merrier:)

    (Dreaded, dreaded syllabus season....)

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  6. I agree with what the others said. Why not go to both and don't worry about being up front about the other. Hear what both say and decide which makes you the most comfortable.

    Good luck this week! I'm behind, too!

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  7. I think it's great to schedule a consult at both places and be up front that you're shopping around for an RE and you haven't necessarily decided who you're working with. In that first consult you will definitely get a feel for how comfortable you are with each RE and whose style you like more.

    Excited for you and these next steps. :-D

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  8. Yay! Bloodwork!!! I am sooo ready for this, for you. I think putting it in medical hands will take a lot of the pressure off.

    I'm glad you're keeping both consultations. I bet you'll know soon which one you're more comfortable with. You won't have to 2-time them for long! :)

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  9. It's absolutely ok to talk to two different REs before making a decision. I think you'll find that REs are different from other doctors in that it is much more of a *business* - they really want you to pick them, so it's true that you are basically giving them a job interview!
    Also, pay close attention to the reception and nurses and those are the people you'll deal with 90% of the time if you do end up needing treatment. The general vibe of the clinic (organization, lobby, etc.) is important, too. Good luck!!

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  10. Of course you made the right choice. And I know you're not looking forward to this step, but I think it will be such a relief to discuss the situation with knowledgeable people. I'm hoping the more convenient one will work out. Well, actually, I'm hoping that the testing will reveal that everything is normal, and you'll be told natural conception is a valid route, or IUI if you want to make things more efficient. Anyways, good luck with the new semester.

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  11. GO GIRL!!!! This is so exciting!! I'd meet with both doctors, too, and go with the one that I had the best vibe from.

    GOOD LUCK!!

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  12. WHOOHOO!!! That has to make you feel good. Nothing like having them be ON THE BALL. So excited! Can't wait to hear how it goes!

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  13. GOOD GIRL!!! I think that meeting with both doctors is the best choice-- this is the most important doctor of your life and you want to feel comfortable.

    I didn't spend much time with her, but I can't imagine working with anyone other than the RE I chose-- this is such an emotional process, I needed her great bedside manner to help me through it. I actually hugged her at my "graduation" appointment.

    CD3 Bloodwork today-- WAHOO!! I'm beyond excited for you about this next step!!

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  14. I cosign with the group. I actually ending up switching REs because my first RE had communication issues - as in they wouldnt call me back. I thought of contacting both at the outset and didnt because it seemed a waste to pay two consultation fees. In the end, the clinic I am with now didnt even charge a consultation fee! I would have known that had I done like you and called both. My RE now is much warmer and affectionate than the other one. Bottom line is go to both. I wish I had.

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  15. I think it's great that you have two appointments set up, and perfectly within the range of "kosher" behavior when you're going through this. It's a huge investment of time and money and you want to feel good about your choice. I loved my RE when I went for my first consultation, but now I'm wondering if I should have at least met with one other person before starting treatment. Also, dying to go to Copenhagen, so can't wait for your virtual tour. :)

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  16. I'm so glad you made the second appt. with Dr. Man. I think the more opinions you get the better. Plus this is a business after all, so you need to interview them hard. I would ask who returns your calls? Will the RE call or write you back when you have questions? I would definitely walk around and get a feel for the place. How are the nurses/staff? Do the people in the waiting room seem frustrated that they're not being seen at the scheduled time? At the end of the day it's about the rapport you're going to have with your RE -- which one is giving you that sense that you're in the right hands?

    So excited for you!! I don't know if Mr Man is the RE we'd talked about before, if so, let me know if you'd like more insights on him and the practice.

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  17. I wish wish wish I had done the copious research you are doing when I went into this. (I naively thought, oh, some Provera or Clomid and I'll be cycling away. HA!) I think you are very smart to meet with a couple of REs.

    And heck YEAH for getting that bloodwork in....you can bring those results with you to the meeting at Clinic #2, too. It will make for a more productive initial conversation.

    I'm sorry it has come to this....but now you have some experts on the case and they ARE going to knock you up with a sticky, healthy baby.

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  18. In head first and with a strong stroke - Go you! I'm so excited for you!

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  19. Yes, see both. I am confident that you will find a great doctor who will help navigate these waters for you. I really, really wished that I had done this before. Now in to some answers! I can't wait to see those results.

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  20. greetings from capecod! just checking in quickly to see how everyone is doing. soo glad that you made both appts. i'm still kicking myself in the ass for not comp shopping docs. i'm sure you'll feel more of an affinity to one doc over the other, and you'll go into your treatment feeling better that you found the best doc possible for you. can't wait to get some answers about your treatment plan :o)

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