Shit! Only two cycles left before we visit the RE!
Yes! We can finally get figure out what the hell has been going on the last 18 months!
Dammit, they're going to find out there's something horribly wrong with me and Lawyer Guy and tell us it was a miracle we ever got pregnant in the first place and we should have no hope.
No! You're going to get pregnant before you go. Duh, making the appointment is the magic bullet!
No! You're not even going to be able to get an appointment because the insurance issues won't be worked out yet, and you'll have to visit a third-rate fertility clinic, like, out on Long Island or something. And they wont get you pregnant and they'll probably mess up your uterus even more!
Still, it's great to start this process!
But why did you have to get pregnant at all if all it accomplished was delaying your RE visit by 9 months?
AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! Be quiet crazy lady inside my head!
See? Totally exhausting.
I've been kind of relentlessly talking Lawyer Guy's ear off about this process, which is majorly stressing him out. We deal with upsetting possibilities in very different ways: I try to predict and plan for the worst case scenario, so I feel prepared; he tries to ignore it and just live his life until he has to consider unpleasantness. So for me, having a two-hour phone conversation with our insurance providers to get all the details on our infertility coverage is ultimately calming (if also anxiety-producing), but for him it's like a giant anvil of doom dropping on his head.
So to spare him any more of my obsessiveness, I thought I would lay out the potential steps to come here on the blog, so I can refer back to them, keep track of our progress, and adjust my mind to what's ahead (and, of course, so you all know what the plan is).
- Aug 4: Visit my OB for annual check up. Will discuss testing/REs with her (though I have made up my mind to see one no matter what she advises).Will most likely have just ovulated (or will be about to ovulate), so preliminary testing will be impossible at this visit.
- Aug 13: Leave for Scandinavia. Will get my period on this trip. Will not be able to get CD 2/3 blood work until following cycle.
- After returning home, will start acupuncture/ Circle + Bloom relaxation techniques and continue with my herbs, yoga, and tea. Basically go balls out to get an unassisted BFP.
- Late August/Early September: have first RE consult. Praying hard that insurance issues are corrected by this point and I can go to N.YU. Will have good back-up, in-network REs.
- Mid September: Cycle # 8/15 begins. Get bloodwork. Will have hopefully had some other testing (HSG? SA?) by this point
- Mid-late October: Possibly do one treated cycle
- November/December/January: Break from treatments due to my sister's August 2011 wedding in California (try very hard not to hate her for this).
- February 2011: Dive into the madness of treatments for the foreseeable future
The other difficult aspect of heading into treatments is that LG and I are going to have to completely backtrack on how involved we've made our families in this process. Right now we don't call them every time we have sex or I ovulate or anything (I save that for my lovely internet friends), but they do know how long we've been trying, what some of my fears are, how long it's been since the miscarriage, and when we're thinking of enlisting outside help. That's fine and I don't mind them knowing (especially not my mom, who never ever brings up baby stuff unless I do first).
But I don't want our families to know about what treatments we're doing and when. If they're waiting hopefully for the results of an IUI or IVF, that will just make the disappointment much keener when something fails. I also really, really don't want my brother- and sister-in-law to know anything about our possible fertility treatments. I have enough jealousy and bitterness toward them in general. If I suspect they're pitying us for our sucky reproductive organs, I'll drive myself crazy (even though I'm sure their pity will be entirely in my head and they will never say anything to us).
I'm a pretty open person, so it will be hard to shut people we care about out of this process. But I just can't handle the extra pressure, so I know it's the right thing to do.