A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

When You Wish; or, The Anti-Resolutions

I'm not making New Years resolutions. What's the point? I can't "resolve" to get pregnant. I can't "resolve" to carry a healthy baby to term. So much of what I hope and long for is outside of my control. I get that. I'm even starting to be (just a little) okay with that.

So these aren't resolutions. There are wishes.

1. I wish that I will get pregnant in 2010.

2. I wish that my body will nurture and protect a healthy baby.

3. I wish that I will accept the timing of this pregnancy--however long it may take to get there--with grace and humor.

4. I wish that I will remember my life--the every day of school and teaching, of loving my husband and talking to my friends--is just as important as the dreams I have for my future.

5. I wish that I will accept my body for what it can do and what it can't do; that I will love it even when it takes 30 days to ovulate or switches up my luteal period, or gives me BFN after BFN, because its the only body I have, it's a gift from God, and it didn't fail me (or I it).

6. I wish for 28-day cycles with ovulation on day 14. Like clockwork.

Since I'm wishing for things, and all.

Edited to add: Merry New Years Wishes to all!

5 comments:

  1. Oh crap, please believe that I DO actually know that 'good' is spelt with a D, not two G's. Sigh.

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  2. Oh, I like it :) I was just thinking that there's no point in resolutions this year because everything I so desperately want, I have no control over! I'll make wishes, too, if that's okay with you ;) Although I appreciate you broadening my horizons, I got a bit stuck on wish 2, and need to remember things like wish 4 and wish 5.

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  3. I just found your blog and wanted to say how sorry I am for the loss of M&M. I lost a baby in December 2006, had to have a D&C, and the holidays were so dreadful that year. Just awful. There is never a good time to lose a baby, but the holidays seem an extra twist of the knife. I read that you are encouraged by stories of those that have babies after loss. I have lost 7 pregnancies, two of which ended in D&Cs after seeing a heartbeat, five of which were all very early losses (chemical pregnancies). After two years of losing babies, we finally did an IVF cycle and we were finally blessed with her son, Will, born in August 2008. Now, I am pregnant again, on our own, nearing the end of the first trimester (and fingers still crossed that everything will be okay). I hope this is helpful to you, to know that there are those that have lost and gone on to have healthy babies. I have every hope and faith that the same will be true for you. I can't wait to see your happy ending!

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