Smudgie has a heartbeat! And we heard it! At 6 weeks 1 day!
I am overjoyed right now and resisting every urge to undercut this with caution. This is such a happy day!
I had a terrible night's sleep last night, and so did Lawyer Guy. I woke up for the last time around 5:30 am and couldn't fall asleep, just lay there tossing and turning. I was convinced this would wind up a blighted ovum--something about my vague and intermittent symptoms put that idea in my mind.
Poor LG was also pretty shaken up this morning. He gets a "nervous stomach" during times of stress and had to run to the bathroom three times when we were at the clinic waiting to be seen by Dr. Wonderful. During his last tummy-trouble trip, she came into the exam room. I really wanted to wait for him to get back. I was so afraid of hearing bad news without him there to hold my hand. Dr. W. said she'd keep looking until he got back, but fortunately he showed up right before she started the ultrasound.
I couldn't look at the screen. I was too afraid I'd see nothing or an empty sac. I stared at LG sitting to my left as he stared at the screen. And then Dr. W. said, "We have a heartbeat" and I could finally look.
Such a little Smudge! With a heartbeat of 101 bpm! She flipped on the sound and we heard it, actually heard that tiny little thing's heart beating away, and I started to cry.
Before she left the room today, Dr. W. told us, "Don't worry. This is a good baby." I really did believe her right then and for the first time started to think that maybe this could work. When she left us alone, LG and I both hugged each other and started crying. We didn't need to say anything to know how the other was feeling.
We go back in a week, and if all is well and Smudgie has grown and the heartbeat has sped up, that will be our last visit with Dr. W. I know I will be anxious before that appointment, too. I know there are still many obstacles for this little one to overcome and much to be worried about. But right now, I am happier than I have ever been during a pregnancy.
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