You know how this is a break cycle? You know how I'm relaxing? You know how I'm just letting nature take it's course and not trying to intervene or stress my husband at all?
Sigh. Allow me to show you an unsent letter to an old foe:
My Dearest Pissy,
How did it all go so wrong? We had one of the best first dates of my life. We laughed, we talked, I shared my dreams and fears with you. I was so afraid to trust again, but you supported me! You gave me all the confirmation I needed, just when I'd given up hope. And you were right, dearest Pissy. You told me my Peak Days and rewarded me with a BFP. I thought we would be companions for the rest of my (reproductive) life.
But since then, everything has changed so much. You're so unpredictable. I never know how you're going to react to what I give you. I know many relationships thrive on variety, but they also need stability and security. And Pissy, your two days of High and ten days of High, your ever changing Peak days-- it all became too much. I needed some time away to clear my head. I needed to say goodbye.
But I just can't leave you. Even when I know we're no good for each other, I still can't do it alone. Pissy, the box of pee sticks from my knocked-up internet buddy arrived yesterday, and like a junky just out of a mandatory rehab stint, I was jonesing for my fix. That foil wrapper peeling away between my fingers, the slow creep of blue as the strip absorbed my pee. Pissy, it was good to be back.
Just don't tell my husband.
Your Victim, Your Lover,
Secret Sloper
I'm back, and it's hopefully not a once-off!!
6 years ago
heehee, this is a lovely letter. i envy how beautifully your write. i'm a math person, so if i could, i would only talk in numbers. my engRish, not so good.
ReplyDeletehow are you keeping your pee stick ritual from hubs? i tried this at one point for a few days, but i got sick of trying to slip the sticks first in a ziploc bag, and then into my purse to be thrown out at work. luckily, dh is all about privacy and doesn't go through my drawers looking for pregnancy tests, opk sticks, etc, altho he has threatened to do so in the past. if the roles were reversed, i'd be all up in there.
happy peepee time to you :o)
Ha! I am sure I will soon be an addict as well-- as soon as Day 6 arrives and I can begin using the little bugger. I hope you two can get along this month and that she is good to you:)
ReplyDeleteShe is a TERRIBLE slavemaster. And, like you, I've done a lot of stealth peeing even in months where I've sworn I won't. I've noticed that if I don't use her for awhile she goes haywire. But sometimes she goes haywire for no discernible reason.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can either kick the habit this month (though, my thinking would be: those peesticks are now an investment!) or that she starts cooperating.
Aahhhh! It's so hard to take a break - it's impossible to just "turn it off" especially when it's something you want so badly. I think you can find a happy medium with Pissy...you can still track your cycle without obsessing...well, you can try.
ReplyDeleteHahaha, this totally cracked me up. I promise not to tell hubs! :) Hang in there, lady. Maybe now that you've given Pissy an ultimatum, she'll pull it together instead of giving you the run around. xo
ReplyDeleteIs it wrong that this made me giggle? :) I also promise not to tell your hubby, and I can't say I blame you for doing it. I'm a POAS addict with the other kind of stick, so I get it. It's hard to fully "break" from cycling. Hopefully Pissy starts to cooperate and you can salvage your relationship.
ReplyDeleteWell, they don't call you "Secret Sloper" for nothing! Pee away!!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you one little bit. I'd be doing the same thing.
ReplyDeletehahahahhaa - I would have done the same thing - it's like when you're TTC you just have to pee on things...haha.
ReplyDeleteI am dreading getting my very own Pissy out again. But know I won't be able to resist...
ReplyDeleteIt's impossible to resist. And the O-sticks are USEFUL for crissakes. Plus, if no one knows but us, who really gets hurt? My view? no one.
ReplyDeleteI understand, I wouldn't be able to quit either. What if THIS is the month, and you miss it because you put away pissy??? That's too much to bear. But definitely STAY AWAY from the thermometer!
ReplyDeleteYou are wicked. And twisted. And I "heart" you endlessly.
ReplyDeleteSo far, I've managed to stay away from pee sticks. But to stop charting, despite a doctor suggesting it (without giving a reason though), I can hardly imagine. I claim that it doesn't stress me ;)
ReplyDeleteAhhh, dear sweet CBEFM... I hated mine from the beginning because she was such a tease. Evidently, the b*tch hates us long cycle gals.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping she cleans up her attitude with you!!!
And-- Do what you need to do. LG doesn't have to be involved. My RE told me I could quit charting when we started treatment and I didn't. I just couldn't stand not seeing that little chart, if it happened to work out in my favor. There's nothing wrong with wanting some control... take it from a control freak. XOXO.