A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Friday, May 7, 2010

This Has To Be The Bottom; or, How To Destroy Secret Sloper, In Three Easy Steps

Step #1 (Friday): Have Recently Trying Friend make a phone call. Have Secret Sloper answer said phone call-- during the break between the keynote speech and reception at the conference where she is assisting her advisor. Have RTF reveal that she is 4.5 months pregnant and due in September. Have Secret Sloper do some quick mental math and realize that RTF got knocked up her first month trying. And is the third of Sloper's former bridesmaids to do so.

Have RTF mention that: she waited this long because she really wanted to tell Sloper about this in person; they must get together to chat all about this so soon; she's having her 20 week u/s next week; being pregnant is "really hard sometimes."

Cue falsely and desperately cheerful conversation from Sloper, abrupt conclusion to phone call, and sobbing, sunglasses-shielded trip around the block, followed by a dinner with some of the most prominent academics in Sloper's field. (But hey, at least the taxi driver handed her a napkin as she wept in the back seat of his cab on the way home).

Step #2 (Saturday): Bring the original First-Time-Lucky bridesmaid back to NYC for a quick visit with her family before she moves out West for the foreseeable future. Force Sloper to pay a visit to her and her adorable six-month-old son, who was born the day after the m&m ended his or her short life. Hope that retching, choking and other extreme digestive reactions do not ensue.

Step #3 (Sunday): Now would be the absolute ideal time for a nationwide celebration of mothers.

At A Yet-To-Be Determined Moment:
Toss in a visit from America's favorite bloody hag.

This is it, right? The blackest before the dawn? Things are gonna start looking up? The sun'll come out tomorrow?

Cause it can't get any worse, can it? Can it?

Oh, and universe, these are rhetorical questions. Not challenges. Just so we're clear.


  1. What a horrible weekend. I really, really hope things don't get worse--you seriously don't need that at this point, or ever.

  2. Oh no. I'm so sorry. This just sounds like a horrible weekend. (((HUGS)))

  3. Oh my gosh, SS. My heart absolutely aches for you. Those moments, when good friends reveal pregnancies (especially first-try ones) are like daggers through the heart. To have multiple moments like this all at once? UGH UGH UGH. Hang in there my friend.

    Consider this comment a virtual tissue being handed through cyberspace from me to you. Wish I was there to let you vent it all out in person.

    Oh, and btw, this IS rock bottom. I know it is. So, yes, it's going to get better. I think the universe used up enough ammo for one weekend. xo

  4. *hugs* I have been keeping my fingers tightly crossed for you and this weekend sounds like it's going to be a tough one. I'm sorry.

  5. What a couple of days you are having. I'm so sorry:( Any one of those is pretty awful. And the timing. Crap. Why do those things happen at the worst possible times? It's like the difficult news has precision guiding...it's delivered just when you need to hold it together most.

    I won't repeat any of the platitudes you mention. Because, really, on a weekend like this the last thing a girl needs is a platitude. I'll only say that you WILL get to the other side of this. It's just being on THIS side that sucks so royally.

    (And my hope for you for Monday: a lovely day, with no baby-related news from anyone, and maybe a spa service thrown in).

  6. Big hugs hon. I think drinking is in major order.

  7. Um, why don't you take a pregnancy test???

  8. Just saying.... you seem overdue for the bloody hag.

    The other stuff sucks, but I have a feeling you are going to be lucky this month...

  9. The phrase that comes to mind is "gag me with a spoon."

  10. Leslie-- nah, Bloody Hag is on her way. Trust me on this one. FF has my ovulation date wrong.

  11. Sloper-- I don't know why but I felt that this was going to be your month... I'm still hoping. But I know the feeling of being sure it isn't too :(.

    We ARE both drinking, thankfully! But I don't want her to suffer IF either, so I am conflicted. Mainly I just want her to have a kid without any trouble. It's sooo hard though, to face this shit, of all our friends getting pregnant no problem.

    As for rejection, it definitely gets easier. This article that I just got in was rejected once at another journal... I've only gotten one accepted right away once. The rest all sort of cycle around and get accepted on their 2nd - 4th submission... Some reviewers are just unsympathetic by nature. But it would be hard to go through getting my FIRST rejections while I was in grad school (which were really devastating to me at the time) and going through IF. Now, I don't care about rejections at all (they are just annoying because you have to reformat to resubmit, but they don't produce that emotional devastation response). Maybe I'll learn to feel this way about my period one day too...

  12. Shit. That sucks. I'm not going to send any pollyanna-ish thoughts your way because frankly that's not what you need. But it does suck and I am sorry and I hope that one day you look back on this weekend and kind of smile. Because tragedy+time+comedy, right? (shit, if it doesn't then I am screwed because that's what I keep telling myself.)

    Be well, and I hope Monday comes soon.

  13. Shit, Sloper. Any one of those would have reduced me to a stall in the bathroom at that conference. You are incredibly strong to tough out that call and pull it together enough to go out to mingle after. I'm really sorry this all happened at all, least of all having it all together.

    Mr. has a saying that God tends to knock me on the ass, and he usually gives me a small cushion. I'm hoping that there is some cushy comfortable spot that you can find to recoup and rest from the emotional ride.

    I will be stuck at a very long lunch where my MIL will go on and on about how great it is to be a mother and how every one she knows has grandchildren. It was way annoying before TTC and is now just enough to reduce me to rubble on the bathroom floor at a golf course restaurant. I feel like we all ought to be able to opt out of this shitty reminders and spend the day elsewhere.

    My thoughts are with you this weekend. You are doing brilliantly and will get through, it's just a rotten thing to ride out. Hang in there!

  14. this is rock bottom babe, so it can only get better from here. hmm, since RTF disappeared for a while before, i think it's your turn. maybe you can say that your advisor needs x,y,z from you for your dissertation by the end of the summer, therefore you need to crank and your summer will be ruined and blah blah, therefore you can't see her for awhile. wtf would you wanna talk about HER pregnancy?? and yeah, i'm sure pregnancy is harder than not being able to achieve & sustain one. must be real tough on her.

    this weekend's almost over. hope you hang in there today. *hugs*

  15. I'm so sorry. The first-month-trying announcements are especially painful. It just seems so unfair. I really hope things start to turn up and while I know what you mean about "knowing" you're not pregnant, I'm gonna say you never know until you KNOW. Fingers crossed for a big surprise this month, or at least some better news. Hang in there!

  16. I'm so sorry, love. What a big bag of suck your weekend has been. I spent it with my fertile SILs and MIL and was told that I need to "relax and quit thinking about it." Yeah. Uh huh. Cue near panic attack at Home Depot just now when I saw three enormously pregnant women walking around the store. UGH. Like I said, next year is our year!

  17. Oh what an awful, awful day. You commented on my blog, so you know that I pretty much got to ride this roller coaster right after you got off of it. What do you say we leave this fun park and find a nice bar or coffee house instead?