A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Monday, May 31, 2010

Hot Baths, Cold Water; or, Another Two Week Wait

I'm back from the wilds of Maine! I watched my youngest sister graduate, ovulated, tricked Lawyer Guy into pressure-free sex, and ate a lot of excellent locally grown/caught food. Not in that order.

I ovulated either CD 20 or 21, right on schedule. And the sex was well timed and well spaced out, not that I know what either of those things mean anymore. I so want this to be it. I so want to be reading a positive pee stick two weeks from today. I tell myself every two week wait that this won't be the month and that I've just got to keep trying, but inside I'm thinking, "Why not? It happened once, why can't it happen again?" And then another voice answers with, "Yeah, but it hasn't happened ten times more than it has, so why would this month be different?"

It gets pretty crowded in my head during the two week wait.

After the CBEFM had confirmed ovulation, on the last day of the trip, Lawyer Guy and I took a bath together. It's something we like to do on vacation, but thanks to my zealous protection of his sperm and all things related to them, we haven't done so in 18 months. He was tired from the long drive and from days spent with my family (whom he loves but who also drive him crazy) and I thought a bath would relax him. It did.

But of course, immediately afterward the wheels in my mind started turning. "Hot baths can decrease fertility. It can take three months for sperm counts to replenish. We're going to the RE in three months. We could have just killed all our chances at conceiving until September. If it doesn't happen this month, we're screwed." And on and on and on.

By this point, I've pretty much turned the possible regrets off. My husband needed to relax and do something with me that was not about making babies. The bath wasn't blisteringly hot or anything, so I'm sure it will be fine. And even if it's not, it's only two cycles we've been set back. Plus, who the hell knows what our problems are anyway?

But I have come to the conclusion that if this cycle doesn't work out we'll be visiting the RE in late August/September. Some days that terrifies me. Other days it feels inevitable.

Finally: thanks for your feedback on the letter to Clueless. I'm going to send it tomorrow and I'm not going to await or expect a response. Some of you mentioned wanting to "plagiarize" the letter in e-mails to your own friends or family. As long as you use proper MLA citation, that's fine. Just kidding. Anything in there that speaks to you or communicates your feelings is open and available for you to use.


  1. Don't worry about the bath. I've learned that you can pretty much turn every enjoyable thing in life anti-TTC (too much sex! baths! wine! bike rides!) Seriously, we can only take it so far before we go absolutely crazy, right? Glad you had a nice weekend and happy 2ww! We're in it together, sister.

  2. Sounds like a great trip! And on the bath, I agree with AplusB -- virtually anything you can do might be bad. Or not. Because in most cases they don't even really know. Thus, I like your regret-free approach.
    Hoping that the 2ww brings you a big fat positive!

  3. I wouldn't spare the bath a second thought. Honestly. Think about the Swedes and how crazy they are for their saunas - and it doesn't make a dent in their fertility that I'm aware.

    It sounds like a wonderful trip - so glad you got to relax a bit. I know it's so hard not to get restive, even in a month where everything seems to have gone perfectly. But you've been pregnant before, and you WILL be again.

  4. I'm glad you were able to relax AND ovulation AND have sex on time. :) haha. I hope this is your month too - I hope you read a positive pee stick in two weeks and I TOTALLY understand what you mean when you say it gets crowded in your head during the 2ww.

  5. That's so awesome that you (and your husband) were able to relax and still get busy at the "right" time.

    At this point, I think I'd be overjoyed just to see a positive ovulation test. I know how much the waiting can grate on you... and then it's all "hurry up and don't miss the window!" and then even MORE waiting. It's exhausting.

    Good food, warm & sexy baths, stress-free sex... color me jealous. ;)

  6. Excellent work! And as frustrating as it is to have 10 months (10! Aaarrrg!) with no positive, it still seems to me (from my luxurious vantage point) like it's just probability being mean to you. Here's hoping this is IT already!

  7. Sounds like a great weekend!! And I'm glad you were able to take full advantage (in a stress free way) of that positive opk...well played, hah! I hope this tww cruises by, and I so know what you mean. It worked once before...why am I so convinced it will never work again. Well, I think if anything you are due, so the odds are in your favor here! Fingers crossed!!

  8. First of all, I haven't ventured anywhere near hot water for over a year, and I try to keep E out of it too... I am super suspicious about the effects of elevated body temperature on any aspect of fertility/ embryo viability, so I know where you are coming from here. That is, I share your insanity, which I am sure is perfectly baseless.

    As far as ttc over and over and over and over, well, I have already forgotten that hell and have entered a new circle. Sort of out of the frying pan and into the fire. Not that I expect sympathy, but somehow being in a regular old 2ww sounds pretty good to me right about now!!!