A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Cycle Day 1 To Me; or, Self-Torture in Aisle Four

I forgot to get my mother, mother-in-law, or step-mother-in-law cards today. I mean, completely forgot. Just forgot that that's something people do. I don't even really feel bad about it. I'm honestly impressed by the strength of my own desire to repress all thoughts of celebrating mothers.

But mothers must still be celebrated, even if belatedly. So this morning, when Lawyer Guy and I went to the grocery store to pick up some last-minute ingredients for the brunch my mom was making, we stopped off at Rite Aid and made our way to the card aisle.

Do you remember poking at your loose teeth with your tongue back in elementary school? I would push against them, feeling the give along my gums, hearing the pop of the loosening root and the releasing suction of the socket. I was addicted to the relief of that pain.

So I stood in a suburban drugstore at nine in the morning, grabbing cards from shelves labeled "Mother's Day: For My Daughter," "For My Wife," "For the Mother-to-Be," picking them up one after the other and reading the doggerel verse, the cheap glitter coating my fingers. I hate mass-produced greeting cards. I like to buy my limited-run letter-pressed cards printed on eco-friendly materials and designed by independent card makers from locally run stationery stores. I'm a paper snob.

But one of these cards caught my eye, curlicued print and all.

"This would be nice for you to give me."

"Well, one day I'll give you one."

I didn't receive any cards this year, and the one I picked out for my mom said something about calling her on dark days. I added a subtitle about screaming at her, too.

I did get an e-mail, though, from my former Junior League chair. The one who revealed she had a miscarriage in her past.

"Thinking about you today."

It's nice to be thought of.

18 comments:

  1. I hate mass-produced greeting cards also, but where I live, the shop that had the cards that I would purchased has closed. I suppose few other people share my sentiments.

    I'm thinking of you today and hope that the bruch went well. (((HUGS)))

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  2. I was thinking about you today, and praying that this is your last sad Mother's Day. Hang tough, Sloper!

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  3. I hope this day next year both our hubs can get us nice cards. It's a tough day, for sure, hang in there! Thinking of you.

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  4. I am thinking about you today, too.

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  5. i'm glad that mother's day weekend is now over and that we are all alive!

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  6. It's a crap day and I'm glad it's over. I love cards, too. Especially beautifully made ones. And I especially like ones that are blank inside, so you don't have to rely on someone else to say what you want to say. And so I'm hoping that next year Mr. Sloper gets to buy one and write something lovely in it.

    That's a nice e-mail. It takes a sensitive person to see those of us who are standing in the shadows.

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  7. Glad the weekend is finally over, and hoping next year you'll be the one receiving the cards!! Thinking of you hun!

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  8. btw - i started reading those libba bray books that you recommended to bunny while she was recovering. i LOVED the first book. finished it in 3 days. am on to the second one now!!

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  9. I thought of you and hoped that you weren't required to celebrate in any way...and even though you did, it sounds like you handled it very well.

    I am so happy that your JL friend e-mailed you-- it had to be nice to know that someone understands and (unfortunately) has been there.

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  10. Oh Sloper, how I love reading your posts. They are just beautifully written. YES, I so remember that loose tooth feeling. Such a great metaphor for card-hunting.

    I'm thinking of you my friend. xo

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  11. We don't do MD cards over here. I think. But in general, I'm a paper snob, too. I did feel sort of bad for saying nothing to my MIL, but not bad enough to bring it up...

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  12. I thought about you and every single other IFer yesterday. I think that's so sweet someone sent you an e-mail. I got a couple of those yesterday and they really made my day. Here's hoping this was our last childless Mother's Day.

    (((hugs)))

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  13. Thanks to an anti-social mother-in-law and my mom, who was away on vacation, it was a pretty uneventful Mother's Day. It still sucked... but not as much. The fact that you were even looking at those cards yesterday was a true act of bravery. I could barely even look at Facebook! Oy!

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  14. I'm sorry you've been having such a shitty weekend. Reminders galore, huh?

    Here's hoping for a better week ahead of you!

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  15. PS I just realized yesterday was your CD1. So so so sorry. :( Are you taking a break this cycle from temping/etc?

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  16. We letter press our own cards on eco-friendly paper. Do I win the stationary snobbery contest? I'm sorry you had to go through a day like yesterday, and apparently the day before. UGG! I tried to focus on the part where you had dinner with the bigwigs in your field, but it sounds like there was a lot of pain.

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  17. *hugs* Mother's Day isn't the easiest thing to deal with when TTC...but we made it through another one!

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  18. Also a paper snob! It's funny as we often pick the absolute gaudiest cards for the in-laws. I was just thankful for the lack of conversation related to the lack of grandchildren. I look forward to a day that I can take this day back for myself and not have to treat it with some inane routines akin to an extra goddamn birthday. Such a rotten day! I'm also quite thankful it's over.

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