A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

15 Weeks Later; or, Normal

15 weeks after my D&C, 8 weeks after I began weekly phone calls to two separate doctors' offices, 5 weeks after I first cried on the phone, 4 weeks after I learned I was never given the release form I needed to sign, 3 weeks after I faxed the release form in, 1 week after screaming at my doctor's receptionist over the phone...

I finally got the lab results from the genetic testing on the m&m.


My doctor said this is good news, that we don't need to worry about karyotyping and that future pregnancies are highly likely to be healthy.

But now I don't know why this baby didn't make it. It's much, much harder to accept this miscarriage as "not meant to be" when the baby likely would have been healthy and normal and fine if he or she had progressed.

Yes, he or she. We asked to not be told the sex.

My dad says this will just be one of life's mysteries for me. Holding a healthy, living, cuddly baby of my own, I think I'll be able to accept the mysteries of life better than I do right now.


  1. This one sure is filled with mixed emotions. Your doctor is right though. Try to remember that the chances of your next pregnancy working out just fine are very, very high.

    Just my two cents here, but I think you definitely made the right decision not knowing the sex. My doctor let that slip out, even though we said we didn't want to know. Having that information will haunt me forever.

  2. Ah. "Normal" and "unexplained" are such nasty words sometimes. It's good, I suppose, but I so understand your need for an answer. I'm glad everything was normal, but sorry you don't know any more about the "why."

  3. Wow, so terribly sad, despite the nugget of good news. I hope the optimistic prognosis will start to feel more real after you've had some time to grieve over this new piece of information.

  4. I understand. I didn’t want there to be a chromosome problem either, but at least it would have explained the loss. It is so frustrating not knowing what went wrong. And knowing the sex is so personal. I did not cry the entire time I was going through the last m/c, but the minute they told me the sex I cried for hours.

  5. Sloper, I think it is REALLY COMMON for there to be a fatal developmental problem early in gestation even though the chromosomes are normal. The 'normal' diagnosis doesn't mean that there was no fatal mutation, it just means that the mutation was likely somatic, not inherited.
    It definitely doesn't mean that you lost a healthy child, it just means that this fetus' problems were idiosyncratic, and so not likely to be repeated in a future pregnancy.
    Development is just such a tricky sequence of events and so much can go wrong!
    I am sorry that they used the term 'normal'. That sounds really insensitive to me. I feel lie they should have said instead that you and your husband are normal, and that nothing in your genes led to this horrible event.
    I think it is good news, but of course any news is just a really really sad reminder.
    I have my fingers crossed for your next cycle!

  6. This is so sad, my heart is aching for you. I'm glad they didn't have any tissue to analyze for me...I don't know how I would have felt if it came back normal or abnormal....either way, it would have hurt. You are much stronger than I am.

    I'm glad the positive news that your next baby will likely be normal and healthy...and full term. Thinking of you.

  7. Oh, honey. Hugs to you.

    We had the same thing happen to us, too. My OB explained that sometimes, a normal diagnosis can also mean that they actually just looked at YOUR chromosomes. Even with a D&C, it is difficult to get a "live" sample that can yield good results, especially if the baby's heart had stopped beating sometime before it was discovered.

    And there are so many other things that can "go wrong" in early pregnancy that have nothing to do with chromosomes. It doesn't necessarily meant that your baby would have been born healthy.

    THAT BEING SAID, having an answer always would have made ME feel better. To know a fatal trisomy had been what ended our pregnancies would have been somewhat of a comfort, except for then, as your doctor pointed out, you'd have to wonder if that increased your chances of it happening again in the future.

    The word "normal" always made me want to scratch my eyes out, because nothing seemed normal about losing babies. I remember after one panel came back back, all "normal," I hung up the phone and said the world NORMAL about twenty times. It just sounded like noise to me and had no meaning, and pretty much echoed how the rest of me was feeling.

    It is so hard, I know it is. I am thinking of you.

  8. Oh my gosh, my heart is hurting for you.

    It's too much for one person to bear, and I am so sorry you are carrying this. It's so complicated how the silver lining of "normal" is also the most painful part about the results. ((hugs))

  9. It is so hard. It is good and bad. We didn't get a chance to test on our lost babies, but we had tests done on me afterwards and everything came back 'normal'. It is what you want to hear, but not. All you really want is your baby back.

  10. I'm so sorry. I can completely understand the questions that come when you learn nothing was "wrong," but I hope these results bring you some peace for your future pregnancies.