A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Something Scary; or, A Little Bit Pregnant?

Over the weekend, I had my first real scare with this pregnancy.

I went to pee on Saturday night around 2 am and found a swipe of very light brown on the paper after wiping. I panicked. I went back to bed and lay there, tossing and turning, crying quietly to myself. The Lawyer was asleep--he hasn't been sleeping well lately because of insomnia due to anxiety/excitement, but he took a sleeping pill that night-- and I didn't want to wake him. So I just lay there for hours, imagining worst case scenarios and periodically getting up to check on the spotting (which didn't come back that night). My parents were in Maine for parents' weekend at my younger sister's college--I pictured myself calling them to tell them to stop off in Brooklyn on the way back down to Philadelphia, pictured myself telling them about the pregnancy after it was gone. I thought about the baby shower I'm throwing for my best friend next weekend and wondered how I would get through it. I was not in a good place.

I finally managed to get an hour or so of sleep, then woke around 6 am thanks to daylight savings time. I went to bathroom again and found more spotting--still faint, still brown. I told my husband what was going on and we called my doctor's answering service and left a message for her.

I was sick that morning. I don't know how much was due to stress and lack of sleep and how much was due to morning sickness. I lay on the bathroom floor feeling awful and waiting for the phone to ring.

My doctor called around 9 am and reassured me. She said this was fine and normal and likely caused by dehydration (as were my cramps). She told me to rest for the day, avoid exercise and sex, and drink lots of water. She said not to worry unless there's lots of blood, "heavier than a period."

I felt better after speaking with her. I made it through the rest of the day lying on the couch, snacking on saltines, sleeping, and working on homework. And I feel okay today, even though I'm still spotting a bit now and then.

We have four days left until we tell my parents about the baby and just over 1 week until our next u/s at 7 weeks 4 days. Those milestones are so close, but I know that so much can happen in an instant. I really want to enjoy the first trimester, but I also really want to move on to a more secure stage. I want to feel like I'm definitely, absolutely pregnant. Not just provisionally.


  1. Oh honey... I'm so sorry that you had this scare.

    I've heard this is totally normal, but I can't imagine the panic that you must have felt. I hope that your week flies by and that telling your parents brings everyone such joy. They will be such a great source of support for you.

    Next week, hearing the heartbeat on that ultrasound will give you such peace!!

  2. Thanks Stef. I think telling my parents will make things easier--right now my husband and I have to put all our worry and anxiety only on each other's shoulders and that can be tough. I'll be glad when I can call my mom in a panic about things like this :)