On the eve of my D&C, I make to myself these promises:
1. I will be pregnant again one day.
2. I will have a healthy, beautiful child one day.
3. I give myself permission to cry, to moan, to huddle in a ball, to avoid their babies and their swollen pregnant bellies without punishing or hating myself for being weak and selfish.
4. I will remind myself that their babies didn't take mine away, that their happiness doesn't cause my unhappiness, and that being there for others even when times are tough is the mark of character.
5. I give myself permission to laugh, to smile, to have happy times and moments without feeling guilty and callous or like I'm forgetting.
6. I will show my husband every day how much I love him and how indispensable his comfort and support are to me.
7. I will never complain about being pregnant. I will never bitch about vomiting, or getting fat, or people touching my belly.
8. I will never assume I know another woman's story. I will never assume my pregnancy or my child are of interest to the world.
9. I will never respond to another woman's struggles--be they infertility or miscarriage or loss--with silence.
10. I will practice patience every day. I can't control this. I can't force God's time. But I can love my life as much as possible at each moment.
I'm back, and it's hopefully not a once-off!!
11 months ago