A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Monday, November 30, 2009

A Tale of Two Thanksgivings; or, When Feelings Become Farts


The date: Thanksgiving Day, 2009
The place: 'Round the dinner table at the Sloper's familial home
The event: The annual recitation of "What are we thankful for this year," in order from youngest to oldest.

I knew I would cry. I did cry. My sisters cried. My mom cried. My husband stroked my back. My sister's fiance told me how sorry he was. I mentioned my gratitude for health insurance. We all laughed and cried at the same time, wiped our tears with our napkins, and ate some good food.

Conclusion: Crying's not so bad.


The date: Day after Thanksgiving, 2009
The place: 'Round the table at Mr. Lawyer's father's familial home.
The event: People just eatin' some lasagna in a traditional product-of-divorce, making-the-best-of-a-split-holiday kind of way.

I knew I would cry. I felt like crying every time I saw my sister-in-law's tiny baby bump (though no one mentioned the pregnancy at all that night, thank God). I was close to tears all evening. And then Mr. Lawyer made some innocuous comment about, "Yeah, it's a real trial taking care of her" (it was a joke and in the context of a conversation). And then I thought about all he's had to see me go through the last two weeks, and all the support he's given even while hurting himself. And I burst into tears.

Silence. Complete, utter silence from every person at the table. Even the 22-month-old niece was silent. It could not have been more silent if I had just let loose the loudest, smelliest fart ever heard or smelled. I got myself under control and took off for the bathroom for about five minutes of nose blowing and pep talking.

Conclusion: Crying sucks major balls.


  1. Awww, I'm so sorry that crying in front of DH's family was so uncomfortable-- it sounds like crying with your family was quite cathartic. Sometimes it's nice, not to hold it in...

    Thinking about you tomorrow at your follow-up appointment.

  2. Sometimes I have been afraid that if I started crying (thinking back to when I was in the deepest and darkest of spots after my pregnancy losses), I . . . just . . . wouldn't . . . stop.

    Other times, I would cry really hard for a few minutes just to get it out and over with.

    I am sorry that the holidays held sucky moments for you, and I know Christmas will probably bring more moments like that.