A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Odds and Ends; or, Collecting Thoughts

I forgot to relate a little event that happened at the d&c. Before anything began, I had a stack of medical and other forms to fill out. Slipped in among them, they had accidentally put the consent form for termination of pregnancy.

I'm Catholic and have huge moral problems with abortion. (Which, I want to clarify, doesn't mean that I think people who have had them are evil or bad or immoral. One of my closest sources of support during this process has been my friend who aborted a first trimester pregnancy with a d&c two years ago, and I understand her reasons for making her choice. (The political aspects of the issue are a whole other kettle of fish. I'll just say that I tend to vote Democrat)).

Anyway, seeing this legal consent form intended for a woman voluntarily ending her pregnancy just made me flip out. I started sobbing. And weirdly, the first thing that popped into my head was that if I ever decided to run for political office people would think I had an abortion if I signed these forms.

I didn't sign them, and they cleared up the mistake and gave me the right ones. But my husband found my reaction a little bizarre--simply because he knows running for political office sounds like hell to me!

* * *
Today we're going down to my parents' house for an engagement brunch in honor of my sister directly below me in age. We're going to meet her fiance's parents, sister, and brother-in-law. I've been really looking forward to this. But I woke up this morning at 4:30 crying. Emotionally this doesn't feel like a stable day. I'm going to have to get past that for my sister's sake.

* * *
Rapidly fading/fluctuating pregnancy hormones don't just mess with your emotions. They also fuck with your skin. The clear, smooth, slightly dry skin of my pregnancy is gone. I've got zits now in places I didn't know they could grow.

* * *
Finally, we're going on a cruise in January! I've never been on one before and usually like more personalized vacations. I pour over travel guides, search online for deals and tips, try to cram in as many sights (and sites) as I can in a short vacation time. But right now, paying someone to take me around to sunny islands while providing me with booze and unlimited food (and a gym) sounds pretty great. My husband is delighted I've come around to his planning-free mode of vacationing.

Anyone been on a cruise before and have any recommendations? We're planning to depart from NYC just to cut down on bother and expense, and the only cruises leaving from their in our time frame are the Queen Mary 2 (ha!), Norwegian, and Royal Caribbean.


  1. I've been on two cruises and I loved both of them! I went with my family to the Western Carribean and with some girlfriends to Mexico.

    While it's not a personalized vacation (which is what my DH loves-- he wants a unique experience), sometimes it's nice to sit back and leave the details up to someone else. All of the arrangements are made for you and all you have to do is sit back and enjoy.

    I sat on the deck of the ship and read with a frozen drink in my hand, swam in the pools, did some of the shore excursions (Scuba diving, kayaking, shopping), went to the spa and had cookies and milk delivered to my room everynight before bed (free room service!).

    Enjoy-- you deserve to be pampered.

    I hope that the brunch for your sister is a nice distraction for you today!!

  2. I know nothing about cruises, sorry :o(

    please remember to be extra kind and patient with yourself at the party, and in general. Eat to your heart's content . . . take little breaks (excuse yourself) if you find yourself getting emotional . . . and have a pre-arranged signal with someone (husband?) if you need to "Escape" all of a sudden.

    Do you have a good friend you can trade texts with during the party? I actually have done that with one friend (a snarky one helps, hee hee), and it can be very sustaining in a tough situation.

  3. I found your blog via LFCA. I am very sorry for your loss.

    I can understand how you feel about the abortion form. When I was having my first miscarriage the blood test read that it was for 'first trimester abortion'. I know that this is a medical term and the fact that it was my own body 'aborting' the pregnancy was irrelevant to the test, but it took everything I had not to tell the receptionist and the pathologist my whole story to prove that this was not an abortion by choice but a miscarriage.