Meet the Parents; or, Telling

We told all six of our parents (including Lawyer Guy's step-parents) the news about Smudgie this weekend. Before each phone call or visit, I felt my palms sweating and my heart fluttering with nervousness, and after we made our last stop on the Tell Moms and Dads Tour (to LG's mother and step-father), I briefly wondered if now that we'd told them all we'd finally get that bad news I've been dreading for almost 6 weeks (or longer, if you include the 2ww). Still, I'm glad that they know, especially because it's made LG so much more relaxed and calm.

My parents sold our house back East and moved to Santa Fe last summer, so we had to tell them over the phone. LG had taken a cellphone photo of our latest images of Smudgie after Thursday's appointment, and we e-mailed the jpg of that photo to my mom and called her to tell her to check her e-mail. After a moment's silence, she said, "What is this?" I asked, "You don't recognize it?" And she said, "Oh my gosh, [Sloper], it says your name!" I couldn't help crying after that, as she called my dad in from the other room and asked him to take a look, too. We all got on skype soon after, so I was able to see how happy and excited my parents were. My mom insisted on grabbing all the ultrasound printouts (and hospital bracelets) from all four of her pregnancies and showing them to me. First, she has had them all laminated. Second, despite having just made a cross-country move she had them at arm's reach in the new house. I've always thought of my mom as one of the least sentimental people about childhood--she never minded getting rid of our old toys, or kindergarten art, or home!--so this was really surprising.

We told LG's father and step-mother over the phone, too, since they were heading out to their summer home for the weekend and we wouldn't be able to catch them. Lawyer Guy recently received some proofs from a photo session he did at work as a result of his promotion. He had sent his dad those proofs to look at the day before, so he told him he had one more to send and e-mailed him the same u/s shot we sent to my parents. He secretly patched me into the call, but I didn't say anything until after my FIL opened the picture and said, "Mazel Tov!" (No really, that's what he said! I love it). We couldn't get step-mother-in-law on the phone right then, but FIL told her and she called later to let us know how happy she is. She's the one whose mother passed away two weeks ago, and she told us that she'd been thinking there has to be a baby born soon and she has a really good feeling about ours. I hope she's right.

Finally, on Saturday we went up to see LG's mother and step-father in LG's hometown a quick drive outside of the city. My MIL has been extremely suspicious the last month-plus, constantly quizzing LG with "Do you have any news for me? Do you have anything to tell me?" and even hinting at the question of whether or not I was pregnant when we saw them for dinner three weeks ago (I just frowned and looked away). I couldn't figure out why she was asking us these questions, until LG revealed that he'd let her know each cycle when it didn't work out, and obviously didn't say anything after this cycle. (This led to a pretty big fight, because I considered that breaking the spirit, if not the letter, of the law we'd laid down regarding letting family and friends into our reproductive lives). But he was able to throw her off the scent by talking about how stressed he was, which made her think we had another treatment coming up.

My MIL adores our puppy Bella, and we've been trying to convince her to get a Havanese of her own (which she doesn't want to do until she retires in a few years). We're always sending her links to petfinder dogs or pictures from breeders. After we arrived at her house yesterday, LG told her that we had a picture of a puppy we thought she would like and handed her the ultrasound. She was very excited, as was LG's stepfather.

Overall, I'm happy with the way things went. I think we were able to have some fun with telling our parents without going over-the-top with specially made clothing, crazy antics, or attention-seeking maneuvers. We basically just told them what was up, and it was special enough without balloons or dancing bears. None of them responded in any of the ways I was dreading (I worried about comments like, "See, I told you it would all work out" or the like) and they were all reasonably understanding of the fact that they need to keep this an utter secret until we give them the go-ahead, and that our pace in telling people will probably be a lot slower than they want. Both LG's parents are champing at the bit to talk to family about this, but we're being very firm that we are NOT ready for public conversations and they will just have to respect that.

We told one other person this weekend. My sister (who is getting married in Napa in August, as I've mentioned before) has been e-mailing me non-stop about bridesmaid dresses the last 10 or so days. She only has four bridesmaids (me, our other two sisters, and her fiance's sister), so she picked out a different dress in the same color for each of us (all from different designers) and wanted us to order them pronto. The dress she picked for me is cute, but absolutely unsuited to an advanced pregnancy. I had to tell her what's up, so she doesn't think I'm just being difficult in refusing to order it. I sent her a link to a maternity bridesmaid dress in the same color and told her I thought this one would work better than the one she picked. It took her a moment to catch on, but she was really excited when she did. And she agreed that we could wait until I'm (fingers crossed) in second tri before hitting up the bridesmaid dress shops to try to order it.

LG wanted to tell the rest of our siblings this weekend, too, but I was feeling overwhelmed and needed some time off from sharing this. My two youngest sisters are both out in Santa Fe visiting my parents for the week, so I may call in a few days and let them know. And if the ultrasound on Thursday goes well, we'll probably tell my BIL and SIL next weekend. Then it's two weeks to the NT scan, after which (if it goes well) we'll tell LG's step-sisters and a few close friends, but I want to wait until at least the first anatomy scan before letting our extended friends and families know.

There's so much else to talk about: my craftiness at hiding my non-alcoholic beverage orders when out with friends; my fears, which are increasingly centering around the big upcoming scans rather than spotting or regular ultrasounds (though I still fear those, too); my weight-gain and reaction to it; my pathetic academic career. But this post is already too long. And it's good to save some things for later, right?

Please stay strong and healthy, Smudgie. We love you so much and so many people are waiting to meet you.