A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Quickening; or, Updates at 18 Weeks

Towards the end of last week-- right around the 18 week point-- I finally felt my first "I'm positive" Smudgie kick or wiggle. For a few weeks before I felt flutters or brushes that were too faint to tell apart from gas or other intestinal situations. But driving home from teaching last Thursday, I felt a distinct little "tap-tap-tap" low and on the right that I was certain was Smudgie saying hello.

Over the weekend I continued to feel a little poke her or tap there, and I loved every sensation, no matter how faint. But yesterday and today I've felt nothing, and I'm trying hard to maintain my sanity and calm. My doctors said not to expect to feel movement until 20 weeks, so feeling flutters and pokes at 18 weeks is just gravy. They said not to expect movement every day until 24 weeks, so this is absolutely normal, I know. But it's still hard to relax.

This up and down is the new normal, it seems. I've felt fairly confident about things since the 16-week anatomy scan. I've let myself pick up a onesie here or there when I found them on sale. I confessed my pregnancy to my fellow students at a conference at school last week (My belly was starting to attract some seriously quizzical glances). I notified the writing program director at my university that I won't be teaching next semester. I even told my orals advisor about the pregnancy (more on that later).

But this week, the combination of vanishing movement, 2 weeks since our last scan, and 2.5 weeks to go until the next scan has me worrying again. I love Smudgie so much. I wish I knew that he or she was safe in there. It's so hard to trust.

At least I am not stressing about orals right now. But--unfortunately--that's not because I passed. I met with my advisor last week to talk about pushing them back until the beginning of next semester (late-August/early-September). With all my first trimester anxiety and exhaustion, my studying was not at the level it needed to be for most of February and March. I studied hard in April, but it just wasn't enough to make me feel ready to move to the next stage of the process. So now I'll be reading seriously through the end of July, then reviewing notes while I'm in California in August, and then coming back and taking my exam. (And then, I hope, having a baby).

It will be a busy summer, but as long as my Smudgie is doing okay, it will be a good one.

20 comments:

  1. Yay Sloper...I got a huge smile on my face that you felt a definite Smudgie love tap! There are days when I don't feel Woowoo either and it still freaks me out. I asked Dr. B about it and he reiterated what you said, don't expect to feel movements everyday until 24 weeks. I have found that if I eat something (especially something sweet), I can usually cajole my little guy to give me a nudge.

    If the anxiety is really starting to get to you, call the office and ask for an interim scan to put your mind at ease. But I know Smudgie is just fine in there and you'll feel that glorious sensation again soon (maybe today, maybe tomorrow, but you WILL feel it again!).

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  2. I completely know how you feel. I am 20w4d and have beeing feeling the quickening since 17 weeks. It is definitely movement now instead of little flutters but I will feel little man being really active and kicking/punching all over all day and then the next day NOTHING all day. By the next day though he is back at it again. I read up a lot on it and everyone says the same things as your doctor. Don't worry about feeling it every day until you get to 24 weeks when it should be more contstant and noticable. Congrats on the little flutters :) It only gets better from here.

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  3. HOORAY!!!!! I know what you mean - those quiet days in between movement can be torture.

    I'm 24 weeks and usually feel him every day, but not "all the time" every day.

    Hope the second tri proves easier to concentrate/stay awake for your studying, Slopie.

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  4. So happy to read about the quickening, Sloper!
    I was warned repeatedly (by docs but also by others) that fetal movement won't be consistent at the beginning. Hang in there. You are doing wonderfully.

    Please, please, may it be a good summer!

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  5. wow, just amazing. I hope things continue to progress smoothly. Hang in there....

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  6. I'm sorry - fetal movement wasn't consistent for me early on either and I know how scary that can be! But my baby was born very healthy and happy, so try to worry as little as possible (easier said than done!)

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  7. Oh, how wonderful! It really does become more real, doesn't it? And it gets even better, when your whole belly is heaving around and parts are poking out by an inch or more! Oh, this is exciting!

    Definitely front-load your studying. The 'pregnancy brain' gets worse and worse, until you're basically a brain-dead zombie at the end.

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  8. I know my OB said I could come by and have the nurse listen with the Doppler if I was concerned, can you see if you can do that? It will get more regular and remember that finally the stats are on your side.

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  9. Wink never seems to kick me when I NEED her to... like when I've just read some sad story about a miscarriage at 20 weeks--that's when she decides to calm the hell down and scare me to death. I totally understand how you feel there.

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  10. *virtual hug* I'm sure I'd be the same way... excited, nervous, cautious. Hang in there and know I'm thinking of you!

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  11. yaay for smudgie saying hello! i felt movement starting around 17 weeks and it was consistent for 2 weeks then i had a few days of very little. freaked out, but a cold glass of milk got her going again. try that? otw, it really *is* too early for consistency from the little one. know that's easier to say than believe, but i'm sure smudgie is doing just great in momma's belly :o)

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  12. Yip for movement! I didn't *know* I felt it until 20ish weeks over Thanksgiving. It was pretty sporadic for about a week, but by our anatomy scan at 21.5 weeks, I was feeling them every night. Then it started happening during the day too, especially during quiet times (while I was on the bus to and from work and after din). I know how scary/anxious those days are in between u/s appts, but I promise promise promise what you're feeling is normal and Smudgie is perfect!!!

    And can't wait to hear about all the telling.....

    Yip for a summer of scholarly stuff and Smudgie stuff!! xoxo

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  13. Movement, or rather feeling it, is VERY erratic at this point in a pregnancy. And this is on the early end to feel it. My placenta was anterior, thus I didn't feel a thing until 23 weeks, and it was 3 more weeks til I could distinguish actual kicks or movement.

    Keep in mind, baby is very small at this point, so very teeny kicks and flutters are felt, if detectable at all.

    It's okay to still have anxiety. Your feelings are very normal and appropriate. Keep acknowledging them, and then talk yourself through it. Or come here and let us talk you through it. Thump. Thump. THUMP!

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  14. LOVE it!!!!!! Yay for movement!! I'm in that weird time where I feel like I feel something and then I'm like, "Nope, has to be indigestion or something else." I can't wait until the day/time when I can feel it every day--I need that reassurance just like you.

    I'm so happy for you! This is such an exciting milestone. Soon it'll be 20 weeks--halfway there! :) xoxoxo

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  15. I love that you're feeling Smudgie!! Isn't it the most amazing thing? And, hello? 18 weeks! WOW!

    Right now, I'll be one of those people and tell you not to worry, that it's inconsisent early on. Think about it...they don't even tell you to start counting officially until 26 or 28 weeks.

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  16. What a wonderful thing! I can only expect that you will be having an active bean that will give you all sorts of reassurance. I think limiting stress is a great idea and taking these momentous life changes one at a time is brilliant. It is good to see you here, Sloper. Really, really good.

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  17. hooray for movement! It's the most amazing thing, isn't it? Try not to worry about the time in between movements, it's so early and baby is still so small. He or she is moving like crazy in there but has to be in just the right place for you to be able to feel it. hang in there!

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  18. YAY on the movement, and on time moving quickly until you can get the next ultrasound.

    You know, postponing the orals sounds like a great idea. A few months' delay, in the end, really don't count for anything. The reading/preparing process can actually be fun when you don't feel so frantic. (I say this as an English PhD in a field very similar to your own.) There will be so few times in life when you get to wallow in those wonderful, involving, interminable novels--don't miss out on one of them. And the idea of hunkering down to prepare for that AND prepare for baby sounds absolutely delicious to me.

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  19. So glad to know things are going well, though I understand your worries. We just want so badly for things to be fine, but UNTIL they actually are, it's hard not to worry. My suggestion: choose a mantra- put reminders of it all around you- and turn to it whenever you need more confidence. Best wishes...

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  20. Yay!!! this is such a special moment! I definitely didn't get good, consistent movement until after the 24-week mark. And even well past that there have been periods of a day or two where the movement is less. I like to think of it as the little one showing his/her personality and rebelling a bit. :)

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