I've been very quiet the last few months. I've been very tired, as well. And very anxious. But not unhappy.
I bailed on a half-marathon I was scheduled to run in April. I turned in a draft of my first dissertation chapter to my advisor. I slept. A lot.
Because happily, strangely, amazingly, I'm pregnant again. 13 weeks and all seems well. With an active little squirt who's already refusing to play by anyone else's rules, making the ultrasound tech work for those nasal bone shots at our nuchal scan.
We're both piling on the pounds (or ounces). I'm finally out of the eat-everything-then-puke-it-up stage. I feel hopeful sometimes and afraid others, but I'm ready to start revealing this secret without worrying (too much) that saying the words will doom them to not come true.
I'm due the day after Thanksgiving. Which is also the day before I had my d&c last year. Which is all rather fitting.
So I'm saying hello to all of you and hello to the little person we hope will join our family this fall. And also goodbye. Sort of. For now.
I have another space in the works that I'm not quite ready to invite everyone into yet. But I think it better fits my spirit these days, as someone trying to do a million things in a crazy city, the most important of which is raise my little family.
I'll always keep this space too, as the record of what we went through in our search for our family and a way to reach out to anyone facing those same struggles today. And maybe as a safety net, just in case.
But it's time to move on. To someplace new and full of possibilities, where I hope you'll join me soon.
Hello. Goodbye. Thank you.
RIP Paul Kalanithi
2 weeks ago