A blog about babies: the babies I lost, the babies I never had, the baby who made me a Mama.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Happiness Is; or, More Year In Review

Yesterday, Pissy gave me my first Peak reading of this natural cycle. (Day 18! Not bad for me unmedicated!) And last night, Lawyer Guy and I did what baby-making people do on Peak days. And two weeks from today, I think we all know what's going to happen:

I'm going to get my period on a beach in the Bahamas.

But at least I'll be on a beach. That will make me happy. And at least I'll have my bottle of Clomid close at hand and can start popping pills three days later with an actual sense of hope about my January cycle. That makes me happy, too.

As I think back over the past year, so much of it did make me happy. And not just the usual "Husband, Dog, Family" kind of happiness--some really great things happened in 2010! And whaddayaknow, here's a list of them:

- We got built-in book shelves and our pantry closet redone. Both of those things make me *so* happy. I open the closet and just stare at it sometimes or sit on the couch and look at the shelves. I love feeling like we are turning this apartment into a real home (and I love storage space in a way that only long-term New Yorkers can understand).

- I had the best birthday ever and the best birthday party ever! Turning 30 was kind of great-- good food, great party, lots of people who love me surrounding me, and the feeling that I am entering a new phase in my life.

- Lawyer Guy got a promotion at his firm. He had been feeling frustrated about aspects of his job the last few years, and this was such a reward. It helped restore his pride and sense of accomplishment at a time when he really needed to feel good about himself.

- I didn't fail out of school! I was actually productive and got some academic shit done! I have not yet permanently destroyed the scholastic dreams of any of my students!

- Two of my sisters moved to NYC, and I now get to spend so much more time with them. It's such a blessing to have them close by after years of being dispersed across the country.

- I spent lots and lots of time at the Metropolitan Opera, my favorite place in the city. Everything about being there makes me happy.

- We started working with a fantastic RE at a great clinic, and she helps me stay hopeful and optimistic by being confident in our future success and so damn competent.

- I got to go on a bunch of cool trips to cool places with my wonderful husband (our cruise; our Scandinavia trip, weddings in different parts of the country). I love traveling with him so much--we get to be a little more adventurous and spontaneous than in our normal lives. (We've also got some great trips in the works for this upcoming year that I'll spill about in a future post).

- I got to know some incredible women through the ALI community, to laugh with them and cry with them and know that we're all together when we succeed and when we fail.

- Okay, yes, and the husband and dog made me very happy, too.

There were also a lot of moments of quiet happiness this year not related to any specific events. Just times of walking outside and feeling at peace and feeling grateful for that peace because the memories of overwhelming grief were fresh. I think I'm coping better with all of this than I ever have before (or thought I could). And that makes me happy, too.


  1. This post makes me happy.

    2011, baby!

  2. This is a wonderful list and I look forward to a whole different list in December of 2011. That Scandinavian trip was an inspiration!

  3. What a wonderfully positive post! Maybe I should make such a list too; thanks for the inspiration.

  4. I hope that 2011 brings you sleepless nights with a crying baby, to really cinch the fondness with which you look back on these wonderful highlights of 2010.

  5. That is a wonderful list of GOOD things that happened this year. It's tough to focus on those (trust me, I know), but I also know that those are the events and the memories that keep us going. Perhaps 2011 will bring us both an even bigger/more amazing event? Let's keep our fingers crossed. xo

  6. That's an awesome list, Slopie. I can't wait to hear where your travels will take you next year! xo

  7. Im happy for your happy moments.

  8. You're a rockstar, Sloper. Reading your list of happies is really inspiring. And with that, I'm off on some travels of my own! But I'll still be reading, of course. :) Thanks for sharing!

  9. Despite the hard times, that sounds like an awesome year.

  10. What a fantastic list of all the great things that you got to do this year. I am hoping that your 2011 is even better!

    Enjoy your holidays and your trip down south. It sounds like you are all set for 1) a celebration down there or 2) moving forward in the right direction. Either way I hope it's a good time!!

  11. I love when we hit that wall of gratitude and understand that we are blessed people overall. Cheers to the New Year!